Cymbidium Mainstem ‘Hip Hip’ (Camelot x Paracel)

Shine

Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save. They just stand there shining. #AnneLamott

Cymbidium Pearl Dawnson ‘Royale’

The Ring

My maternal grandparents came from humble beginnings. My grandmother was just two years out of normal college when he met my grandfather on a long bus ride going back to her hometown. Not long after, two weeks shy before the 1945 Battle of Mindanao. Uncertain of the future, about to face conflicts and going to war. My grandfather profess his feelings in front of his comrades and proposed a lifelong marriage to the sole love of his life. Guess, he didn’t want to take his chances and sealed the deal with a simple ruby ring at hand. A private ceremony took place a day after, officiated by a senior military officer. And here we are, 75 years after – this beautiful ring now belongs to me.  A dainty piece of memory, a relic of time, a token of love and devotion. A piece of my grandparents heart that I will treasure forever.

Dad, The Rock Star

Dad, he’s always been camera shy. But though he’s rarely in the picture, he’s always been present in our lives. He’s not one to take center stage, always opting for the supporting role; if not lurking on the back end. Reserved, unimposing and generous of his time and knowledge. Diligent, polite and dutiful, true to his military roots. In his presence, I can be my true queer self. Guess, he’s always known from the get-go, but I was too drab to realize that.

My old man, I love you. Thanks for always being my rock on which I stand. You keep me grounded, hardened and assured.

Ever Grateful

It’s been a while. I’ve somehow forgot such satisfying feelings. No deadlines, meetings, spread sheets, appointments and work emails. Just my thoughts and musings, with nothing to do but be present.

A Single Kind of Problem

It’s old news, that I’m single and queer. And believe me, I have long struggled with the “no plus one” status at every single engagement, wedding and baby shower invitations. Queerness was far easy to welcome, than the notion of being alone. Not sadness, nor the feeling of despair. More like alone, in a sense of not having a partner to kick the bucket with, when the time comes. You know what I mean? Not that I’m dying anytime soon, just the fact I am by myself. To be honest, I have made my peace with being single for life – and that is one hard pill to swallow, you know? It’s not like, I didn’t try. You do not know how many times I’ve put myself out there, on apps, online ads, and blind dates. Like I’m sort of houseware to promote and sell on a home TV shopping network. As if it’s not embarrassing, better yet disturbing self describing myself online as – tall, chubby professional, asian, brown, gay guy looking for relationship/love. Only to get DM’s asking if i’m either top/vers/bottom, butch/fem, bear/cub/otter. And the best DM’s, you got it – the ever popular request for dick pics. I’m like what? WTF? LOL. Guess, that’s the world telling me that I just have no luck in relationships – plain and simple.

Hello Again, Love

It took me sometime to figure out my WordPress password. That must say something, right?

And FYI, this post is brought to you by Covid-19. And I know, it’s not something to jester about. But forgive me for trying to find some humor in this god forsaken lockdown. Fuck, I’m bored beyond my queer imagination!

I can’t really think of the last time I cleaned up my bedroom, but desperate times calls for some requisite house sanitation. And yes, I did clean up the bathroom too. Just in case you’re wondering? Don’t get me wrong, I like getting my hands dirty. But not with piss and debris of fecal matter. Clorox wipes, will do. And please, don’t judge me.

Somehow during this shelter in place, I have also managed to flirt with my next door neighbor. Sadly, six feet apart with a surgical mask on. He is good looking, I think? His bright blue eyes will do, plus he has a good set of rack and a nice bulge of his jams. Appreciating his physique from a distance is enough to relieve my callous thoughts. Seriously, this social distancing is fucking me up. Uggghh!

Hey, I heard Pornhub jump on the shelter-in-place bandwagon, too. The new site is called, StayHomeHub dot com.

I am amused, LOL.

 

 

Blossom

Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature. 

– Gerard De Nerval

Dusk or Dawn

Reading last nights post, thought I sounded dark and suicidal. When in reality, I am not one bit dire or lethal. I am sad, but I’m sane enough to still have an appreciation for life. Guess, there are just certain things that I’m going through somehow; that impedes my usual zesty and engage self.

And I do try.

I do my best to find hope and substance in nature, in literature, in family and friends, in little things. However, short lived – I cherish the minutes in a day when I find myself smiling. For it is in those precious moments, that I find certitude. That this would soon come to past.

“Dawn and dusk are mutual friends of the sun; one opens the door for him to a brand new day and the other one has to shut it to embrace the darkness of night.”
― Munia Khan