Hitting That Number

Turned 29, last July 27. It was one of the happiest days of my life. My day started with a cup of coffee and cinnamon twist, I got “to-go” from Starbucks; In as much as I want to slow down, I was already running late for an early morning meeting with the medical practitioners in the hospital. Was so surprised when the meeting turned out to be a party thrown in my behalf. No meeting, just a bunch of happy people. That was very sweet and kind of the management to throw me a surprise.

Quarter to noon, I got a call from Lisa and Cee Cee. They wanted to take me out for lunch and I gladly obliged. We went to Ray’s Sushi Bar in downtown Hayward, I filled myself up with a whole platter of Dragon Roll. I could never resist sushi, never ever! Both my girlfriends also spoiled me with gifts: a wristlet and card case. Went back to the office to finish the rest of my days work and on my table, another surprise awaits. A vase full of my favorite flowers, white lilies, white roses and white orchid blooms. Courtesy of my good friend, Ken.

Dinner was with the family and we planned to have it at Papillon Restaurant in Fremont. It’s one of my fathers favorite restaurant since I can remember. Supper was not that eventful, but the table was filled with delicious food and random jolly conversations. Nothing compares to sharing good food with the people you love and adore. For my birthday, my family gave me a week end retreat at Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay. Quiet time for myself, that sounds good!

Saturday, I checked in and was greeted by hotel staff. Went to a room, where a gift basket of goodies was waiting. I walked around, opened one of the windows and the view took my breath and sanity away. It was beautiful! I was facing the Pacific Ocean with birds gliding in the air. I was just amazed of what’s right in front of me. Such an eye teaser!

One blessing after another, thank you Lord!


Asking All The Right Questions


By sheer coincidence, realization came into my life at a point when I was spending a lot of time thinking about love. Not because I was falling in love — a phrase that in my current state of mind conjures images of mud puddles and a bright yellow sign that says yield, stop or better yet dead end.

Not long ago, I left my partner of many years (close to seven, but off and on). We weren’t fighting that much, but he has a whole different concept of partnership. His comes in a plural form! Needless to say, it was bound for self destruction. But later, I found out that separation brought back mutual respect. We were happier people!

There were so many questions at first after the break up. Not about the  relationship, it was more of myself.

What do I want?

What’s my life all about?

Where am I going?

All the questions a reasonably self actualized and individuated gay guy should be able to answer. But somehow, I’m left scratching my head.

Hopefully, I get to find the answers soon. At least in this lifetime, would be nice. I also pray for a sign, a validation or some sort of manifestation that I’m walking in the right direction.

Language of Flowers

It’s an amazing feeling surrounded by 

sophisticated colors,

natural beauty,

and rich fragrance.

Yellow Rose: A platonic love, joy or friendship.

Light Pink Rose: Grace and Gentle Feelings of Love.

White Rose: Innocence, Purity, Secrecy, and Humility.


Pink Rose: Says love and gratitude.

Of Habits and Inevitability

Used to be that guy who loves security, that person with plans and blueprints for success. But since that dreadful day, Scott & I decided to go our separate ways. I found myself less troubled and even uncaring. Not of people, but of events that occur in my fag fabulous life. I don’t over analyze things, I relish each and every windfall and toss my misfortunes away. I’m less agitated, much relaxed and happier than I was before.

Lately, I’m more accepting of failures and less hard on myself. I even developed these eerie habits of thrusting myself into each new interests, with a blind fervor and dogged determination. No plans, strategies or research. Just jump into the unknown and experience living on the edge. Learn as we go, that’s my new mantra. But seriously, it’s a bit scary — but I really like it!

Pretty in Pink

Pink Begonias. Along a moist, shaded path in my garden grows the flowering hardy begonia. Freeze tolerance is a rare thing amongst begonias, but this East Asian native never got the memo.  Leaves are olive-green on top and pinkish below and marked with prominent carmine red veins. The 6 to 8 inch long leaves have the typical asymmetrical base found in all begonias.  The soft, pink flowers are produced in open, pendant panicles at the ends of the cane in late summer.

Story behind this beauty. About to be thrown away in a dumpster. I carefully picked up this poor potted plant. With barely a trace of life, I gave it a much needed TLC. The first couple weeks looks hopeless, but four months after; it bloomed to perfection. From grotesque to an object of beauty. The vibrant pink flowers says it all.

The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. – Henry Miller –

A Lovely Day To Be Out

Good Morning World!  It’s a lovely saturday morning. Started out with freshly brewed coffee and buttered toast, I was out the door after. Went to the local farmers market (about five minutes away) with my nephew to get some fresh produce. True enough, they have the best selection. Colorful berries, sweetest tangerines, fragrant herbs and the freshest organic vegetables. California grown, of course. Support our own, per Governor Schwarzenegger!

Lunch was at Kitaro in San Francisco, it was one scrumptious meal with the family. They have the best deep fried soft shell crab in town, fresh sashimi and affordability (that’s a must). After eating, we’ve decided to take a stroll in the city and while at it, take some pictures as well. Went up to Twin Peaks for that marvelous view and then watch the sunset from Crissy Field with a book in one hand. It couldn’t be a better day!

Every moment of life is worth a celebration. If you have not appreciated life and its precious moments, it is time to do so.   -Simran Khurana-

Stupidity + Boredom = Ultimatum

The discourse is my brothers life long struggle with his vices. It’s been apparent to all of us that he’s been doing IT again. Why? His answer was boredom. Proofs are right before our very eyes and more traces scattered all over the place. He can deny it, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure that he’s fallen off the band wagon; yet again! I can pretend not to care, but I honestly do.

Question is, how many times do we fall for this same crap? How much space for change should we give a person? When do we say enough? Can we ever say I give up? I personally have a long list of questions in mind, I don’t even know where to start. And in as much as I want to trust him, at this time — I couldn’t. I’m not falling for another excuse. If there’s anything I can spare at the moment, it’s his last ticket to salvation. After that, if things still don’t get better. I guess it’s fair for me to say Au revoir !