You don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself again and again. If I should agree to see him. But in the end I’ve figured out – what do I have to lose? [ Besides my self respect and the very last ounce of dignity I have left ] Right? I then grabbed my phone, texted him saying that I’ll meet him at the cafe nearby at 11 am. I got there five minutes early, and there he is in all his handsomeness, smiling at me.
In closing, I said that I do accept his apology. But I could not allow us to be friends – at least not now. He smiled, held my hand one last time, and I smiled back. I then walked out of the cafe, without looking back. Somehow, I felt good.
I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around it. And in a way I’m impress at myself at how I manage the situation.
How, you asked? I’m not sure. I guess lots of time alone and some needed sleep.
Yes, that’s it – sleep on it!
He claims he did me wrong. But I have yet to hear the words – I’m sorry. Guess, he never heard of the word humility?
I’m in the family room watching a Nicholas Sparks inspired movie. When I saw both Mom & Dad having coffee by the dining table: talking, laughing, getting along just fine. Not a hint of what was once a messy, all-out-war separation proceedings. Guess, this is what they weirdly call – happily divorced.
People can choose to bail out on you and move on, you know. And that’s far easier than staying, helping out and enduring the pain. A little bit of appreciation would be nice, at least every once in a while.
I had brunch with a friend Saturday. When she asked me – “So how are you doing?” I was very eager to answer, said that I was doing fine. That I was busy trying to make both school and my job work. She replied – “So you’re in school again?” I did sense a feeling of perplexity and at the same time, distaste in her tone. But I ignored it, I really didn’t feel like arguing or explaining myself. So my reply was – “Yes, I’m back in school.” Hoping that she would leave the topic behind. And then she said – “Don’t you think you’re too old for that!” I was very surprised with her answer, and heaven knows that if I could have it my way. I would rather leave the table, pay the bill and disappear. But I couldn’t find it in myself to be impolite, so I kept my silence and tried to change the subject of our conversation. When she said – ” Really, don’t you think we’re too old for school and doing academic stuff?” She really didn’t want to leave the topic off, and that was when I decided to speak up – “No, I’m not too old for academic stuff and neither are you! And there really is no such thing as young and old when it comes to education. Besides, do we really ever stop learning? Cause if that’s the case, everybody would be stuck in the stone age! Don’t you think?” Her eyes were wide open after my reply. But she didn’t dare add fuel to the fire. Next thing we know, we were talking about love, marriage and divorce!
Is this some kind of sick joke? That soon after posting yesterdays entry, my phone rang. And guess who it was? Funny, how I’ve been expecting this call. I have long rehearse the lines to say to him, express the pain and wrath I have long kept inside. And here’s the phone in my hand, I only have to press the talk button and suddenly I chickened out. So mad at myself, why am I such a wimp when it comes to him?