Category Archives: Dandyish Dude

Still Here

Yes, I’m still here! To all the peeps that’s been asking about my whereabouts.

And yes, I’ve been hiding away from the crowd. G-U-I-L-T-Y!

Why? I’ve been hating lately. I figured, I may as well keep the unpleasant remarks to myself.

Save me the embarrassment, right?

Nonetheless, I am fine. Perfectly fine!

For a moment, I’ve been feeling perplexed. But I may finally be getting my groove back.

I’m kind of off the beat, but I’m starting to get the feel of the rhythm.

Only a matter of time, and I’ll be my full self.

Doing the Harlem Shake!



It’s Not Easy

I’ve wanted this to happen & have rehearsed the lines over & over in my head. And here we are at arms reach, standing in the same line at the grocery store, giving each other a glimpse, a smile. Yet the words won’t come out!

Pass No Judgement

So what do you do for a living? He asked. And I was quick to throw the question back at my friends boyfriend. He answered, I’m a gay escort. Funny how my inner judgy self didn’t go on hyperdrive. And I didn’t make any judgement at all, even I could not beleive what was going on with myself at that very moment. I simply smiled and asked him – and how’s that working for you?

364 Days

I could not believe that it would be one day close to a year, since I last made an entry. Wow, have I been that busy? Well, come to think of it – it was worst than that. It was more like hell on steroids! The years 2010 has brought so many changes in my life, and 2011 has been so kind and drama free [so far.] I was finally able to put nursing school behind me, and hello graduate school. What was I thinking? I don’t know, I wasn’t. The train of opportunity came, I accidentally took the wrong stop, hopped on the wrong line and that’s where I am now. Funny, I know.

But it all boils down to one question. Am I happy? You bet I am. It maybe crazy, but then again I’ve had it worst before. So it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, anyway. Right?

Turning 32

I caught myself staring at the mirror. Lines, spots, started showing on my face. And gray hair, there’s no denying. It’s there, visible even to the blind. Indeed, age has finally embraced me. And unlike others, I intend to cradle it in my arms. Yes, I am 32! And that is no way old, maybe a tad mature. Besides, aging is but a small price to pay for my new found wisdom and inner peace. I absolutely love myself more now than when I was in my 20’s. I may not be as pretty, but I sure am much sublime or should I say desired. Hahaha! Turning 32, is a gift I am most thankful for. This so called new leaf has brought me to a state of pure delight and utmost  happiness. It made me realize, that what I needed – was beside me and inside me all along!


The Wisdom There Is In Life

I was at doctors office waiting for my name to be called for an appointment, when I saw a book on a side table that caught my attention. I opened it, started reading and made a huge discovery about myself…

That I should accept my own foolishness in my character. To accept that it was not my destiny to be the sort of person I would have liked to be. To try and see the people as themselves. To appreciate the distinctions between one shade of gray and the other. To beleive that if you like people, it is probable that they will like you. To trust people, partly because it is too much bother to go around full of distrust. To accept that being let down is among the normal course of life and that we only harm ourselves by being bitter. To beleive in our own experience, and dare to do what we beleive is our destiny. To rely on the experience of other people, but not on the wisdom of others, because it is useless. To live our own experience, because it is unique. That life is not a rehearsal, either we watch life passing right in front of us or try to experiece it fully. And finally, to rejoice, be happy and stop moaning!

My Declaration

Present Pour Moi

I don’t know how many times I have complained about my bed. Migraines, back aches, sleepless nights. Not to mention, that I’ve avoided sleeping on it for the longest time. Plus, it really is awfully old. If I’m not mistaken, it’s about ten years old or even more. About time to retire, don’t you think?

So last week end, I finally bid farewell to my good old mattress and got me the bed of my dreams. I know, it’s a bit of a splurge and definitely not in last months budget. But, eversince I turned 30 last year. Sleep has been an elusive friend, he seldom comes to visit.  And we all know what lack of sleep can do to people. Right? So, as to avoid grumpiness and more madness. I decided to invest my bucks to good night sleep and buy me an Aireloom bed. 

And here he is. Yes, he’s a HE. My beds my companion, remember? So friends, allow me to introduce you to Morpheus . My ever reliable, soft and cuddly bed. The guy who takes me to lala-land every single night. Hehehe!

A Lil Messy

New Found Self

For some reason, I haven’t had the compulsion to write an entry for my blog. I don’t know why? I’m perfectly fine, I’m not depressed or anything. I guess, I’m just uninspired. Either that or I’m just plain, lazy. Hahaha! Like I said, I am doing alright and having the time of my life. I’m actually loving it, being unemployed at all. This maybe my much needed break, from my non-stop and hectic life. You see, for the past twelve years since I started working. I haven’t had a break ever, besides week ends and holidays. And do we really call that a recess? Considering, there’s chores and errands we had to do on such times.

And so, this is how freedoms feels like. I am nobody’s slave, and I am the master of my own fate. I absolutely love every minute of it! There’s a bit of a downside to it though, but I don’t care. I maybe poor, but I am happy. I am living within my own means, and it’s great. It’s refreshing to take a sudden crash course in Finance and Budgeting. Not to mention, application of theories I learned in business school. Hahaha!

Eventually, this vacation will come to an end. That’s how life goes! Once all resources are gone, people need to go back out there and start busting there behinds again. And I’m not afraid, for it’s a reality I have to face. No guts, no glory, right? But, I am grateful. For I’ve been able to experience such happiness. I don’t want to say that I’m all cerebral and smart, but I’ve found new wisdom from all of these:

That life, if we keep chasing it, will drive us to death. So we may as well let go, sit still and let contentment come to us…

The Pacific

Sleeping Over

It’s past midnight, and I’m seating here in bed with my laptop on. Watching my lover as he’s sound asleep. Gosh, I miss this! This feeling, this kind of happiness. Calling someone my partner, sharing some quiet time, catching up on stories. As I portray a domestic role and cook gourmet meals for two. And then we’ll lie down in bed, tickle each other, read a book, wrap in each others arms as we doze to sleep. I love this, I love every moment of it!


Bumping Into Love

If I were to bump into my true love

Would I even know he was the one?

Would his eyes sparkle in a different way

Could his smile light up the sun?

As fast as Leonardo came into my life.  It was as brisk, when he was taken away from me. No words were said, only a letter that came months after he was deported back to South America. Life was devastating, I thought love was cruel. I spent each day dreaming I was close to him. That any given minute, he’ll be walking thru the door, calling for me, yelling the words amor. But of course, that didn’t happen. I cried, till there were no more tears. I hold that letter close to my heart, like a piece of priceless jewel. I longed for his touch, his smile, his warm body and his love. But not even his ghost came to me. And so I drown myself in agony and disdain, for it’s the only way I knew how to deal with my grief. It took me a year to get back on knees. Put myself back together and finally, move on.

Then came Saturday, a family affair in Sacramento. I was having lunch, when I accidentally dropped a glass of sangria on the floor. A waiter came, said I was sorry and out came another server carrying another glass of wine. He handed me my drink, and I said thank you. And then I saw him staring at me as he was walking away, and I stared back at him. This man’s face looks familiar. I have seen him before, a man from my horrid past. And then it hit me, it was him. It’s my Leonardo!

Suddenly, I felt a gush of emotion. A mixed of passion, sentiments and haunting pain. I got up, excused myself and rush to the rest room. Afraid that I may cause a scene amidst the presence of my family. And while I was standing in front of the mirror, wiping my tears away. I realized I wasn’t alone in the room, somebody came in from the back. It was him, standing behind me. I was already in tears and he was about to cry. I looked down on the sink, when he grabbed my hand, pulled my body towards him and then hugged me real tight. And then he kissed me, madly and passionately.

Five minutes after, the dream’s finally over. But wait, why’s he still in front of me? He is real, after all and not just a ghost or a thing of my imagination. And so, I grabbed his hand. Got out of the rest room and led him to the table where my family was waiting. They all looked at me, wondering what I was doing holding the waiters hand. And then I said to them — Guys, this is Leonardo. My boyfriend…