Yes, I’m still here! To all the peeps that’s been asking about my whereabouts.
And yes, I’ve been hiding away from the crowd. G-U-I-L-T-Y!
Why? I’ve been hating lately. I figured, I may as well keep the unpleasant remarks to myself.
Save me the embarrassment, right?
Nonetheless, I am fine. Perfectly fine!
For a moment, I’ve been feeling perplexed. But I may finally be getting my groove back.
I’m kind of off the beat, but I’m starting to get the feel of the rhythm.
Only a matter of time, and I’ll be my full self.
Doing the Harlem Shake!
I’ve wanted this to happen & have rehearsed the lines over & over in my head. And here we are at arms reach, standing in the same line at the grocery store, giving each other a glimpse, a smile. Yet the words won’t come out!
So what do you do for a living? He asked. And I was quick to throw the question back at my friends boyfriend. He answered, I’m a gay escort. Funny how my inner judgy self didn’t go on hyperdrive. And I didn’t make any judgement at all, even I could not beleive what was going on with myself at that very moment. I simply smiled and asked him – and how’s that working for you?
I could not believe that it would be one day close to a year, since I last made an entry. Wow, have I been that busy? Well, come to think of it – it was worst than that. It was more like hell on steroids! The years 2010 has brought so many changes in my life, and 2011 has been so kind and drama free [so far.] I was finally able to put nursing school behind me, and hello graduate school. What was I thinking? I don’t know, I wasn’t. The train of opportunity came, I accidentally took the wrong stop, hopped on the wrong line and that’s where I am now. Funny, I know.
But it all boils down to one question. Am I happy? You bet I am. It maybe crazy, but then again I’ve had it worst before. So it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, anyway. Right?
I caught myself staring at the mirror. Lines, spots, started showing on my face. And gray hair, there’s no denying. It’s there, visible even to the blind. Indeed, age has finally embraced me. And unlike others, I intend to cradle it in my arms. Yes, I am 32! And that is no way old, maybe a tad mature. Besides, aging is but a small price to pay for my new found wisdom and inner peace. I absolutely love myself more now than when I was in my 20’s. I may not be as pretty, but I sure am much sublime or should I say desired. Hahaha! Turning 32, is a gift I am most thankful for. This so called new leaf has brought me to a state of pure delight and utmost happiness. It made me realize, that what I needed – was beside me and inside me all along!
I was at doctors office waiting for my name to be called for an appointment, when I saw a book on a side table that caught my attention. I opened it, started reading and made a huge discovery about myself…
That I should accept my own foolishness in my character. To accept that it was not my destiny to be the sort of person I would have liked to be. To try and see the people as themselves. To appreciate the distinctions between one shade of gray and the other. To beleive that if you like people, it is probable that they will like you. To trust people, partly because it is too much bother to go around full of distrust. To accept that being let down is among the normal course of life and that we only harm ourselves by being bitter. To beleive in our own experience, and dare to do what we beleive is our destiny. To rely on the experience of other people, but not on the wisdom of others, because it is useless. To live our own experience, because it is unique. That life is not a rehearsal, either we watch life passing right in front of us or try to experiece it fully. And finally, to rejoice, be happy and stop moaning!
I don’t know how many times I have complained about my bed. Migraines, back aches, sleepless nights. Not to mention, that I’ve avoided sleeping on it for the longest time. Plus, it really is awfully old. If I’m not mistaken, it’s about ten years old or even more. About time to retire, don’t you think?
So last week end, I finally bid farewell to my good old mattress and got me the bed of my dreams. I know, it’s a bit of a splurge and definitely not in last months budget. But, eversince I turned 30 last year. Sleep has been an elusive friend, he seldom comes to visit. And we all know what lack of sleep can do to people. Right? So, as to avoid grumpiness and more madness. I decided to invest my bucks to good night sleep and buy me an Aireloom bed.
And here he is. Yes, he’s a HE. My beds my companion, remember? So friends, allow me to introduce you to Morpheus . My ever reliable, soft and cuddly bed. The guy who takes me to lala-land every single night. Hehehe!