Category Archives: Mind Your Own Biz

Oh Well

He claims he did me wrong. But I have yet to hear the words – I’m sorry. Guess, he never heard of the word humility?

Weird Moments

I’m in the family room watching a Nicholas Sparks inspired movie. When I saw both Mom & Dad having coffee by the dining table: talking, laughing, getting along just fine. Not a hint of what was once a messy, all-out-war separation proceedings. Guess, this is what they weirdly call – happily divorced.

The Brunch

I had brunch with a friend Saturday. When she asked me – “So how are you doing?” I was very eager to answer, said that I was doing fine. That I was busy trying to make both school and my job work. She replied – “So you’re in school again?” I did sense a feeling of perplexity and at the same time, distaste in her tone. But I ignored it, I really didn’t feel like arguing or explaining myself. So my reply was – “Yes, I’m back in school.” Hoping that she would leave the topic behind. And then she said – “Don’t you think you’re too old for that!” I was very surprised with her answer, and heaven knows that if I could have it my way. I would rather leave the table, pay the bill and disappear. But I couldn’t find it in myself to be impolite, so I kept my silence and tried to change the subject of our conversation. When she said – ” Really, don’t you think we’re too old for school and doing academic stuff?” She really didn’t want to leave the topic off, and that was when I decided to speak up – “No, I’m not too old for academic stuff and neither are you! And there really is no such thing as young and old when it comes to education. Besides, do we really ever stop learning? Cause if that’s the case, everybody would be stuck in the stone age! Don’t you think?” Her eyes were wide open after my reply. But she didn’t dare add fuel to the fire. Next thing we know, we were talking about love, marriage and divorce!


3965160770_d3a9eb700b_mI am seriously mad right now! It felt like the world has conspired, to pissed the hell out of me. I am somehow ready to believe that 99% of the population is evil and down right selfish and rotten, and the remaining 1%, a bunch of virgins and martyrs who haven’t been laid or couldn’t get a  freaking date!

Forgive me for being smutty. But I should have expressed my anger when I had the chance, guess I was afraid of the damage it could inflict. Rather, I locked myself inside the rest room, covered my mouth with a towel and yelled as loud as I can. It was a pathetic way of  releasing my frustration, and cowardly that is. And now that I’m writing this, I feel like a schmuck. I should have bitten that bad guys head off while at work, so I wouldn’t feel like remorsing moron. A huge sigh…

Much Needed Space

sleepPeople need space, and I for one needed one today. Call it weird, but I decided to cut myself off from the world we live in. I called in sick (which I am – flu bug and all), unplugged the home phone, turned off my cellphone, took some meds and red a book till I fell asleep. For a couple hours, I was able to focus on myself. No work to think of, no phone calls, a little time away from the family – just time for me and the things I like doing on my own.  And surprisingly, it felt good. I enjoyed it immensely, that I wanted to do it all over again…

No Way, But The Highway

I decided to finally answer the phone. I thought a week of silence is enough torture for him. It was immature, but what can I do? This is how I handle things. I guess he was suprised when I finally said hello. He even asked, is this Nell? I laughed and he finally found out he had the right person all along. Hahaha!

Surprisingly, the conversation was mellow. No one dared to raise our voice, we were finally talking like adults should. He asked me questions, and I answered. I asked mine, and I begged him to tell me the truth. Which he eventually did.

In closing, I thanked him for his honesty. I knew it was too much for him, yet he did. And I appreciate him more, for owning up his lies and mistakes. Both of us have our own set of misbehaviour, if you know what I mean.

Things may not have turned out like we expected. But we handled things well, I think. And it feels good to close one chapter without ripping any pages. What we had was a dream turned nightmare. We thought it was a good idea to rekindle the flame. But that flame, eventually burned both of us. We made the rules, and broke it many times. It was too good to be true! With our past haunting us to this day, it was impossible to make things work. We tried, and we failed. And from that, we picked up the pieces. We gave each other a hug and we moved on!

It was a mutual thing, we both needed to heal. And come to think of it, going our separate ways was the best decision we have made…

City Streets

A Passing Thought

I have always thought that when a guy falls for another guy. Both parties would be called gay lovers or a couple engaged in a gay relationship. Either that or the other guy is a hustler, call boy or a paid escort. But then, what do we call straight guys fooling around with gay men? Non stop flirting, constant eye contacts and inappropriate touchy conversations. I’m guessing, confused!

Gay Manga aka Yaoi

Sardonic Nell, Strikes Back

What a headline, huh? Well, I tried to cut down on my sarcasm this year as part of my New Year’s resolution. Add to that patience,which I’m really not that good at. But will try, at least give it a shot. Right?

I’d like to beleive that I’ve been very tolerant these past couple weeks. I’ve heard some not so nice comments made about me, but I’ve kept mum about it. I could have said something, but I didn’t. Then, there’s these two trainees who came into the office who doesn’t know crap about there job and what they’ve signed themselves for. Again, I’ve kept my cool and decided to babysit the two. Until one, quit the other day for unknown reasons. While the other is out for a whole week or so, cause of illness. What a wonderful first impression, right? So as you can see, I’ve been very good at keeping myself pleasing. Which, if I may add – is very tiring.

Then here comes the day, when I finally said to myself “F–k it, I have enough of these!” A phone call was accidentally transferred to my extension. I picked it up, and found out it was for my coworker. And since, I was going to get up and grab some coffee and her cubicle was along the way towards the vending machine. I decided to personally relay the message, that a phone was holding for her on line four. And guess what the b-tch said to me. “You could have just use the intercom and told me that!” That really pissed me off! I don’t think I deserve that. And for the first time in two months, I finally said something back.  I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I think my answer has flattered her.

“A thank you, would have been appropriate. But, guess not. And FYI, I know how to use the intercom. I just thought, you’d appreciate me saying hello to you. Anyhow, thanks for being crude. Enjoy the rest of your day, goodbye!”


Why NO?

My arguments real simple. If straight people have the right to marry, why can’t we? Not that I have any intentions to. But I would like that right to be there for me, should I someday have the compulsion to do so. It insults me that my rights as a human being had to be voted for by the people. How would you feel if you were in my shoes? They say – whatever happens to traditional marriage?  Well, let me tell you this…

Open you eyes and watch the world evolving. The right to marry is for everyone! The constitution ensures everyones rights, straight or gay. And if you can’t handle that and want to live the traditional way. I suggest you pack your bags and move back to the country side, where there’s no light, electricity or civilization! And enjoy your dose of traditional living.

Say no to discrimination!


Strange But True

“So why did you fall for him?” My sister asked loudly, not even caring that we were having this conversation in the middle of the bra section at Victoria’s Secret. But come to think of it, I have never asked myself that question. Hmmm, I wonder why? Considering, I knew he was straight the first time I ever laid eyes on him.

I don’t know, maybe I was attracted cause he smelled good. Or because he makes a good cup of coffee for me each morning, or the notes he leaves me on my desk. Saying, please research the Russell vs Pimco Innovation case, before anything else or don’t have time to back up files, would you kindly do it for me. With the word please in all caps and three exclamation signs following it. Now, isn’t that romantic?

Just how did we meet? All started when I took a part time job, the second time around, at my uncles law office. Said he needed someone who can assist him and his partner (business, that is) clear out there mess in the office. And work on there accounts and financial books as well. Besides, the offer was good. And I badly needed the money, so I agreed.

To start with, he is one arrogant guy. He has this very domineering appeal. Others wouldn’t want to be associated with him. But for some reason, beyond my foolish comprehension. I was enticed. Maybe, because I’m alpha male myself. Though not by choice, but for lack of options and the absence of a figure willing to step up to the challege. For a change, I wanted to be on the back seat and be led by someone. Instead of me steering the wheel, which I think is exhausting once we’ve reached a certain saturation point.

I know, I am up for disappointment. I don’t think I’m omnipotent enough to bend his manhood. Not unless my gay fairy godmother shows up, and sprinkle some love dust over this fool. But then again, I don’t think so. There’s not a hint of queerness in him, he’s a straight guy through and through.

Getting back on the question, why did I fall for him? Maybe, because he’s so comfortable being himself. That he personifies this guy who doesn’t give a crap what others think of him. He lives to please himself, and not for others. There’s not an inch of softness in him, besides his smile. He’s a bad boy, something I couldn’t imagine myself being one.

Waiting For Love