I never gave it much thought. But this past week end, as I was shopping at Barnes. I saw this book that caught my eye. It says, I Should Be Extremely Happy In His Company. And I quickly asked myself, am I extremely happy or at the very least, happy in his company?
The answer is, I’m not or maybe, not anymore. I myself am confused. I don’t know what happened these past couple weeks that made me say that. He’s every bit the man I wanted to be with – successful, career driven, devoted, loving, gentle and kind. Maybe, I’m the problem. I don’t know! All I know is that I’m unhappy and I couldn’t stand faking what I feel for him.
I hate the fact that I’m lying to him and to myself. And it hurts me more, that I would be the one responsible for his pain. I love him, and I am deeply in love with him to this very day. And if this is some sort of bad dream, I hope I snapped out of it soon. He deserves better, he deserves the happy me!
My brown skin,
The scar on my left cheek,
Eyes the color of the earth,
In a body, no one wants,
Except me, and only me.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned again. I tried my best to process the situation in my head. But I am hurt and could not find it in myself to forgive, at least this time. I just can’t! My heart is numb and my soul is torned into pieces.
Please let me heal first and then I’ll try to reach out. Just not now, for I’m afraid to hurt her more. I am still angry inside, and I know it’s wrong. But that’s the way I mend my spirit, and the only way I know how.
Please Lord, just give me some space. In time, I will be me again. Open to love and maybe even, forgive…
I don’t know how many times I have complained about my bed. Migraines, back aches, sleepless nights. Not to mention, that I’ve avoided sleeping on it for the longest time. Plus, it really is awfully old. If I’m not mistaken, it’s about ten years old or even more. About time to retire, don’t you think?
So last week end, I finally bid farewell to my good old mattress and got me the bed of my dreams. I know, it’s a bit of a splurge and definitely not in last months budget. But, eversince I turned 30 last year. Sleep has been an elusive friend, he seldom comes to visit. And we all know what lack of sleep can do to people. Right? So, as to avoid grumpiness and more madness. I decided to invest my bucks to good night sleep and buy me an Aireloom bed.
And here he is. Yes, he’s a HE. My beds my companion, remember? So friends, allow me to introduce you to Morpheus . My ever reliable, soft and cuddly bed. The guy who takes me to lala-land every single night. Hehehe!
At first, when she said it – I felt so small inside. But then, looking back at what I have done for this person. I think, I deserve better. I was good to her, always been. I really thought, I could rely on her to catch me when I fall. But, I guess not! She was simply waiting for a chance to take every inch of pride I have inside. Try and break my spirit, and my will to trust.
But what really drives me insane, is that I was ready to take a bullet for this person and I still do. Even if she has hurt me, tremendously…