A quick hello and a kiss that last a lifetime. He is messing with my head again, and along with it – he’s also meddling with my feelings. What was that all about? I thought it was done and over with. I thought we’ll move on and continue to be friends.
But why did you kiss me? Couldn’t it have ended with just hello and then goodbye. Why the kiss on the lips, and not a peck on the cheek? Why were we both breathing heavily? As if you took the air out of my body, then blew life back into me. Why Leon?
Now, you’ve lit the fire in me. And I can’t find it in my heart to kill that warmth, for it feels good. But I have to restrain myself. I couldn’t trust myself when I’m with you. I know, I couldn’t run away fast enough when I pull off that string of repression. I simply can’t!
That ten second kiss, it was but a moment in time. But it brought the dead into life…
People need space, and I for one needed one today. Call it weird, but I decided to cut myself off from the world we live in. I called in sick (which I am – flu bug and all), unplugged the home phone, turned off my cellphone, took some meds and red a book till I fell asleep. For a couple hours, I was able to focus on myself. No work to think of, no phone calls, a little time away from the family – just time for me and the things I like doing on my own. And surprisingly, it felt good. I enjoyed it immensely, that I wanted to do it all over again…
It’s Fathers Day today, and unfortunately Dad had to bail out on us. He happens to have a private date, and we understand. But I’d like to say a few words to my old wise man. He may not be the most eloquent father, but I love him just that way. So here’s a shout out for my Paps!
Dad, thank you. Thanks for giving me a chance to live, and giving me the space to grow in my own terms. Thanks for loving me unconditionally. You may not say the words, but I feel it every minute of my life. Thanks for being my man of strength, for defending me againts all harms. For being my man of truth, making me accept the person that I am. For being my man of wisdom, letting me know to embrace my own uniqueness. For it is what makes me – ME. And I may not say it often, but I do love you. It’s just that we have our own different ways of expressing it. Happy Fathers Day!
My mentor once told me, that life is like a play. That each person has a role to portray in this broadway show called, LIFE. And it doesn’t matter if we got the lead role, a supporting character or an extra. A role is a role, and each character, no matter how grand or small, is important to get the story and message through. What does matter, is if we give it our best?
I was at doctors office waiting for my name to be called for an appointment, when I saw a book on a side table that caught my attention. I opened it, started reading and made a huge discovery about myself…
That I should accept my own foolishness in my character. To accept that it was not my destiny to be the sort of person I would have liked to be. To try and see the people as themselves. To appreciate the distinctions between one shade of gray and the other. To beleive that if you like people, it is probable that they will like you. To trust people, partly because it is too much bother to go around full of distrust. To accept that being let down is among the normal course of life and that we only harm ourselves by being bitter. To beleive in our own experience, and dare to do what we beleive is our destiny. To rely on the experience of other people, but not on the wisdom of others, because it is useless. To live our own experience, because it is unique. That life is not a rehearsal, either we watch life passing right in front of us or try to experiece it fully. And finally, to rejoice, be happy and stop moaning!