Not Knowing

I couldn’t figure out the answer. And surprisingly, I’m okay with it.

Guess sometimes, we are better off not knowing!

Ode To My Father

It’s so easy to lose onself at work, making a living and making ends meet. But every now and then, I get to have break from all these insanity and focus on things and people that keeps me grounded to my core. I had a lunch date with my Dad earlier today, not an every day sight. So you can just feel the anticipation in the air. He’s unbelievably colloquial, spontaneous and never rans out of stories to share. I got to asked him questions; person who in the right set of mind, would not dare asked their fathers. But I did, kudos for me on that! And I got my answers, though not always favorable – it was honest. I uncovered that my father has always been receptive after all, a renaissance man: way ahead of the ideologies people may have in his generation. His views in terms of raising a family may sound semi-conventional, but he’s always been swayable to different ideas and other possibilities that may eventually occur. He even added, that he knew of me even before I came to terms with my identity. For a guy who’s made his career in the military, surrounded by testosterone loaded men, he’s done pretty good handling the situation of my oddness. True to himself, he took everything in, immersed himself in deep thoughts, weighed all his options, talked himself in and out things, to finally embracing the idea that I am uniquely an agreeable person, and that’s all that really matters. In conclusion, I found myself feeling happy and relieved. I was glad to have a chance to get to know my father better. And more at ease, now that I’m able to let go of ambiguities I’ve meaninglessly carried over from my childhood. He’s a good man, a venerable father, and we’ll leave it at that!

Happy Place

As I was driving home thursday night, I asked myself – what’s a happy place for me? And there’s only one that came to mind – the farmers market. So yesterday, with two canvas bags in tote and a hundred dollar note. I took the ferry ride to the city, shopped till I ran out of cash, dranked the best cheap coffee in town, sampled the freshest produce, had half a dozen of Kumamoto oysters, gobbled down two scrumptious samosas, and had the best tasting Porchetta sandwich (with extra crispy pork skin for some crunch.) That was so much fun, didn’t even realize the day’s almost over. Later that day, I wrote a note to myself on my cork board – I should do this more often!

Good Morning

20130320-160910.jpgWoke up at 8:30 am, and this was the view that greeted me earlier – just marvelous! You can just imagine the happiness I felt, and the smile it brought to my dopey face. Breathtaking. I then grabbed a cup of hot coffee, a folding chair, sat down, and enjoyed a good half hour enjoying the elegance of my orchids lovely blooms. My mind was so at peace, while I sat there appreciating the beauty that surrounds me. Simply amazing!

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Still Here

Yes, I’m still here! To all the peeps that’s been asking about my whereabouts.

And yes, I’ve been hiding away from the crowd. G-U-I-L-T-Y!

Why? I’ve been hating lately. I figured, I may as well keep the unpleasant remarks to myself.

Save me the embarrassment, right?

Nonetheless, I am fine. Perfectly fine!

For a moment, I’ve been feeling perplexed. But I may finally be getting my groove back.

I’m kind of off the beat, but I’m starting to get the feel of the rhythm.

Only a matter of time, and I’ll be my full self.

Doing the Harlem Shake!

 

 

Sleep On It

You don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself again and again. If I should agree to see him. But in the end I’ve figured out – what do I have to lose? [ Besides my self respect and the very last ounce of dignity I have left ] Right? I then grabbed my phone, texted him saying that I’ll meet him at the cafe nearby at 11 am. I got there five minutes early, and there he is in all his handsomeness, smiling at me.

In closing, I said that I do accept his apology. But I could not allow us to be friends – at least not now. He smiled, held my hand one last time, and I smiled back. I then walked out of the cafe, without looking back. Somehow, I felt good.

I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around it. And in a way I’m impress at myself at how I manage the situation.

How, you asked? I’m not sure. I guess lots of time alone and some needed sleep.

Yes, that’s it – sleep on it!

Not Guilty

Guess, I didn’t asked the right questions or maybe I just didn’t care at all. But then I can’t feel guilty about something, I didn’t know.

If I’m Not Here, I’m There

I’ve been bitten by the green bug. Come see me in my garden sometime!

 

It’s Not Easy

I’ve wanted this to happen & have rehearsed the lines over & over in my head. And here we are at arms reach, standing in the same line at the grocery store, giving each other a glimpse, a smile. Yet the words won’t come out!

Oh Well

He claims he did me wrong. But I have yet to hear the words – I’m sorry. Guess, he never heard of the word humility?

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