Throwbacks

I was going thru my past journals last night, reading what I wrote on certain memorable occassions in my life. It’s amazing how the words flowed so easily, the creativity flows without a hitch. And here I am, right this very moment, in silence – clueless.

So while I wake the sleeping writing giant in me, allow me to share some entries from my journal.

At 35, I wrote:

Aging has brought a lot of gifts and surprises, that I am most thankful for. This year, on my 35th year. Has been all about love and acceptance. I’ve learned to let go of a lot of things – anger, pain, regrets, frustrations; for there’s truly nothing to gain holding on to negativity. Then I’ve come to terms with “singularity.” It may not be the ideal situation for others, but it works well for me. Besides, being single does not necessarily mean lonely. And I absolutely love myself more now than when I was in my 20′s. I may not be as pretty, given I have more lines, spots on my face with some hints of gray hair. But I’m confident, sublime and should I say, much desired. Hahaha!

Turning 36, I said:

Another year has come and gone, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Thirty six wonderful years (with a few bump here and there) spent in love and unanimity. Living in the moment, breathing, in high spirits with my inner self, while in pursuit for answers to my ever curious psyche. It’s great to be my age, and it only gets better from here. Happy Birthday, ME!

Getting over a break up, 2015:

Heartbreak is like a shadow that followed me all through out my life. However painful, however dark – I always walk out victorious. Wounded yet undestroyed, weary but pursuing. And there’s no BIG secret to my fortitude. It has always been and nothing but LOVE. I never gave up on it, and I never will. 

Turning 37:

Not a lot of people can tell themselves these words, but I wholeheartedly can – for I truly love the person I am now. I don’t think of myself as righteous, but I am a good person. Sensible, with no requisite for anyone’s validation but myself and my God. I am comfortable in my own skin, and that is that! Gay, solitary, bitter, stringent, temperamental, devoted, somber – I’ve heard it all and it’s okay. That is all part of who I am, but that does not define my entirety. More often misunderstood, but even that does that bother me. More than happiness, the goal is to get comfortable for who we truly are. Took me thirty seven years to get here, and it’s the BEST gift I’ve given myself thus far. Happy Birthday, ME!

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Happy Place

As I was driving home thursday night, I asked myself – what’s a happy place for me? And there’s only one that came to mind – the farmers market. So yesterday, with two canvas bags in tote and a hundred dollar note. I took the ferry ride to the city, shopped till I ran out of cash, dranked the best cheap coffee in town, sampled the freshest produce, had half a dozen of Kumamoto oysters, gobbled down two scrumptious samosas, and had the best tasting Porchetta sandwich (with extra crispy pork skin for some crunch.) That was so much fun, didn’t even realize the day’s almost over. Later that day, I wrote a note to myself on my cork board – I should do this more often!

Good Morning

20130320-160910.jpgWoke up at 8:30 am, and this was the view that greeted me earlier – just marvelous! You can just imagine the happiness I felt, and the smile it brought to my dopey face. Breathtaking. I then grabbed a cup of hot coffee, a folding chair, sat down, and enjoyed a good half hour enjoying the elegance of my orchids lovely blooms. My mind was so at peace, while I sat there appreciating the beauty that surrounds me. Simply amazing!

Still Here

Yes, I’m still here! To all the peeps that’s been asking about my whereabouts.

And yes, I’ve been hiding away from the crowd. G-U-I-L-T-Y!

Why? I’ve been hating lately. I figured, I may as well keep the unpleasant remarks to myself.

Save me the embarrassment, right?

Nonetheless, I am fine. Perfectly fine!

For a moment, I’ve been feeling perplexed. But I may finally be getting my groove back.

I’m kind of off the beat, but I’m starting to get the feel of the rhythm.

Only a matter of time, and I’ll be my full self.

Doing the Harlem Shake!

 

 

Moments

I remembered, as if it was just yesterday. I woke up one Sunday morning, sat down on the ground, leaning on the lighthouse wall. With the sun on my face, the wind blowing through my hair. I watched the birds dancing with the wind. Felt the sand in between my toes and the breeze, you can smell the ocean. And it is in that stillness, in that moment – that I felt the most happy, most serene and in touch with my inner myself.

Turning 32

I caught myself staring at the mirror. Lines, spots, started showing on my face. And gray hair, there’s no denying. It’s there, visible even to the blind. Indeed, age has finally embraced me. And unlike others, I intend to cradle it in my arms. Yes, I am 32! And that is no way old, maybe a tad mature. Besides, aging is but a small price to pay for my new found wisdom and inner peace. I absolutely love myself more now than when I was in my 20’s. I may not be as pretty, but I sure am much sublime or should I say desired. Hahaha! Turning 32, is a gift I am most thankful for. This so called new leaf has brought me to a state of pure delight and utmost  happiness. It made me realize, that what I needed – was beside me and inside me all along!