He claims he did me wrong. But I have yet to hear the words – I’m sorry. Guess, he never heard of the word humility?
I don’t usually pay that much attention to myself. But since a friend brought it up over lunch, one time – on how angry and temperamental I’ve been lately. I started listening to myself speak and observing how I would react to certain things, and it’s true. I have turned into a virulent and rude person. Even I am horrified at myself and my indecorous ways!
I absolutely have no idea what made me into this awful being. And I am in no way proud of my behavior, and I won’t make any excuses for it. There is a reason or probably plenty of reasons why I am the way I am now. And I tried to heal myself – made a list, trial and error, regression, solitude, yoga, group therapy and self help books. I did what I can and I gave it my best, but it didn’t work. I am desperate for help, and certain things have to be done soon before this consumes me. I think it’s time for the professionals to step in.
Is this some kind of sick joke? That soon after posting yesterdays entry, my phone rang. And guess who it was? Funny, how I’ve been expecting this call. I have long rehearse the lines to say to him, express the pain and wrath I have long kept inside. And here’s the phone in my hand, I only have to press the talk button and suddenly I chickened out. So mad at myself, why am I such a wimp when it comes to him?
I had a horrible-fun night. It did start out nice at first, invited friends over for dinner and then I lost it. I did, and it was horrifying envisioning myself and remembering the things I said. And truth be told, I am not proud of what I said. But I also have no regrets, I had to do it. I had to get the message thru.
It started out as a week end picnic plan, but turned out my friends already had there stuff for that day. So we all decided to have it Thursday night. I made a pasta dish; my friends brought some dishes and a couple bottles of wine. People came on time and we were enjoying dinner, when a friend made a comment about my clothes. Saying that it’s inappropriate and “so unfashionista”, but I ignored him. But what can I say, I am in my own home. Is there really a need to dress up, right? And then, he made another comment about my place, saying that my decor was “all over the place.” Again, I kept my mouth shut. Although, my friends were starting to give me a look. The kind where they’re silently begging me not to say anything. Again, I ignored it. And then, they all decided to have a smoke in the garage. When my friend saw my old Honda Civic, and said – Oh my gosh, you’re still driving this car? Who drives this car nowadays? This is like the 90’s!
I exhaled and eventually, exploded – FYI, that car isn’t the 90’s. That is a 2000 Civic! And how dare you embarrass me in my own home. You are one self absorbed demeaning freak! I suggest you get your jacket from the closet and leave my undesigner house. And stay the f*ck away from my unfashionista life, will you? And would you please get out of here right away, before I loss my cool and ran you over with my car. Get out, now!
Long story short, my ex-friend left. And soon as my front door closed, the four of us remaining started laughing. Seems like everyone’s uncomfortable around him. And what’s great, is that the night ended well. Not to mention fun, after all the unpleasantries that happened.
What a headline, huh? Well, I tried to cut down on my sarcasm this year as part of my New Year’s resolution. Add to that patience,which I’m really not that good at. But will try, at least give it a shot. Right?
I’d like to beleive that I’ve been very tolerant these past couple weeks. I’ve heard some not so nice comments made about me, but I’ve kept mum about it. I could have said something, but I didn’t. Then, there’s these two trainees who came into the office who doesn’t know crap about there job and what they’ve signed themselves for. Again, I’ve kept my cool and decided to babysit the two. Until one, quit the other day for unknown reasons. While the other is out for a whole week or so, cause of illness. What a wonderful first impression, right? So as you can see, I’ve been very good at keeping myself pleasing. Which, if I may add – is very tiring.
Then here comes the day, when I finally said to myself “F–k it, I have enough of these!” A phone call was accidentally transferred to my extension. I picked it up, and found out it was for my coworker. And since, I was going to get up and grab some coffee and her cubicle was along the way towards the vending machine. I decided to personally relay the message, that a phone was holding for her on line four. And guess what the b-tch said to me. “You could have just use the intercom and told me that!” That really pissed me off! I don’t think I deserve that. And for the first time in two months, I finally said something back. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I think my answer has flattered her.
“A thank you, would have been appropriate. But, guess not. And FYI, I know how to use the intercom. I just thought, you’d appreciate me saying hello to you. Anyhow, thanks for being crude. Enjoy the rest of your day, goodbye!”
I do not know what our office was thinking when they accepted these auditors-in-training. I mean, it’s okay to have them around. But definitely not under my custody! It’s bad enough that I had to do payroll, cause the clerk was out on vacation. And then, here’s two people following me around like dogs. Waiting for me to throw a ball on them. I am not so much of a trainer, specially when I’m trying to do a two-man job. Forgive me for complaining, I’m just way too overwhelmed at this time.
And then today, I asked them to do a profit/loss report on our Southern California branch. Took them almost the whole day to do it. And then later found out, three entries were incorrect. I know they’re fresh out of junior college, but not being able to do the basics – that is unacceptable. I have asked for them to do the simplest tasks, and they still got it wrong. They’re even justifying there mistakes as typo. Oh, that pissed me off! And would you believe the two were scratching there heads, when I mentioned the words auditing risks and misappropriations of assets.
I am appalled and I simply rest my case on these two…
I’ve been called so many names, both good and bad. But this is the first time I’ve been addressed as a stuck up. And don’t you guys worry, I ain’t gonna cry about it. I’m actually laughing it all out. Simply because I know who I really am, and that I am not easily threatened by people calling me names. Besides, I’ve heard worst. Hahaha!
It started with a request or should I say an emotional blackmail. I was asked to child sit, yet again next week end. But then, I’ve already made plans for the coming Saturday. It’s our last week end before we fly to Manila for our holiday vacation. And I think I have every right to do my last minute errands. So, I was quick to tell them no. Told them of my plans for that day and said that Sunday would be better for me. I was so willing to compromise, even for a later time. But what I got in return were unpleasant remarks, that I’m selfish and disagreeable.
Well quite obviously, I answered back and defended myself from such accusations. Most people would know, that I’m not one to withdraw in any fight. So if it’s verbal brawling they want, then that’s what they’ll get. It was a good five minutes of argument, until the word stuck up was said. And I blurt out a sarcastic laugh. I feel like yelling, WTF!
I hate to say this, but looks like I’m arguing with a dumb dumb. What does the word stuck up had to do with any of these? I would understand if they’d say that I am self centered, lazy or materialistic. But to call me a stuck up? He must have been high on meth, for him to say something stupid like that. Last I checked in the urban dictionary, the word stuck up pertains to a person who thinks they’re better than everyone else, except within their clique of friends.
And, do I think of myself any better than others? Well, the answer is hell no! How could I even think that, when I’m down right poor and unemployed. And besides, I don’t have a clique of friends who I share my stuck up moments with. I think I deserve better, and I don’t have time on my plate to mingle with airheads. And less I forget, our conversation started as a request, asking me a favor to watch over his kids. Now, it’s all starting to sound like an order or some sort of decree. Like it’s imperative that I follow. Well, screw him! Guess he forgot that I don’t take orders well.
The conversation ended when he decided to hang up and heard me call him a dick fart looney bastard. Serves him well, right? When I should have said more. And that money he was ranting about (or blackmailing me with), that he called a gift. Well, he can shoove it up his obnoxious a-hole, cause I have no use for it. I don’t want it, period.
Funny how people mistreat others just because they can’t have it there way. You do them a favor once, and suddenly your the official child sitter. People can be so darn abusive sometimes. You give them a hand, and yet they grab you by the arm. Now, who did they call selfish an disagreeable again? Hmmm, I simply rest my case…