What’s The Matter

I don’t usually pay that much attention to myself. But since a friend brought it up over lunch,  one time – on how angry and temperamental I’ve been lately. I started listening to myself speak and observing how I would react to certain things, and it’s true. I have turned into a virulent and rude person. Even I am horrified at myself and my indecorous ways!

I absolutely have no idea what made me into this awful being. And I am in no way proud of my behavior, and I won’t make any excuses for it. There is a reason or probably plenty of reasons why I am the way I am now. And  I tried to heal myself – made a list, trial and error, regression, solitude, yoga, group therapy and self help books. I did what I can and I gave it my best, but it didn’t work. I am desperate for help, and certain things have to be done soon before this consumes me. I think it’s time for the professionals to step in.

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4 comments

  1. hazel · April 30, 2010

    *hugs*

    Identifying the problem is the first and most important step. Praying with you Nell.

    • sardonicnell · May 11, 2010

      thank you, hazel. that was very sweet and kind of you. be rest assured that i’m doing okay. been to my therapist quite a few times now and working on some cognitive exercises. hopefully, in no time – i will be well. thanks again, hugs!

  2. lheyralston · May 7, 2010

    At least you’re admitting it yourself, acceptance is very important. Now the rest is all up to you; it’s just all in your head! Try to control your emotions and thoughts. Only “YOU” have the power and ability to change, Good luck!!! And I am sure everything will be just OK! 🙂

    LHEY
    http://www.lheymyworld.com
    http://www.lheyralston.wordpress.com

    • sardonicnell · May 11, 2010

      thank you, lhey. thanks for the kind and encouraging words. i am doing much better now, been to my therapist twice. and we seem to be hitting off just fine. i’m taking it one step at a time, that’s my new mantra. overwhelming myself would be a disaster (base on experience). baby steps, seems to be the perfect way to handle this. thanks for the blog visit!

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