I never gave it much thought. But this past week end, as I was shopping at Barnes. I saw this book that caught my eye. It says, I Should Be Extremely Happy In His Company. And I quickly asked myself, am I extremely happy or at the very least, happy in his company?
The answer is, I’m not or maybe, not anymore. I myself am confused. I don’t know what happened these past couple weeks that made me say that. He’s every bit the man I wanted to be with – successful, career driven, devoted, loving, gentle and kind. Maybe, I’m the problem. I don’t know! All I know is that I’m unhappy and I couldn’t stand faking what I feel for him.
I hate the fact that I’m lying to him and to myself. And it hurts me more, that I would be the one responsible for his pain. I love him, and I am deeply in love with him to this very day. And if this is some sort of bad dream, I hope I snapped out of it soon. He deserves better, he deserves the happy me!