Is It A Losing Game

We were driving down I-880 when Mom suddenly said – If you really love, Leon. Why did you let him go? I looked towards Mom’s direction and smiled. I said to her – It was love itself, Mom! She looked at me, took my right hand and squeezed it. She understood why…

Truth be told, I decided to call it quits with Leon againsts his will.  It was only a week or two after seeing each other when I told him, I’m out. Unfortunately, he was still in a committed relationship. And needless to say, I refuse to settle as second best. He did say that he’ll end his affair with the other guy, but I said no. It was unfair and uncoath to do such a thing and use me as an excuse. I told myself not to meddle with his life, it was his baggage not mine. But as heaven is my witness, I do love him to this very day. But the timing was all wrong, the events were not in my favor and maybe our time too, has past.

Through the years, you can say that I have matured quite tremendously. And if this has happened to me before, I would probably have no problem snatching someone elses man, all in the name of love. But then, my priorities has changed and I, as well. I have learned to let go of things and let it grow on it’s own. Learned when to fight and when to recede. I try to pick my battles and Leon wasn’t one of them. I have my reasons, and it wasn’t easy for me to deny him. Fact is, love is never selfish. I could have stayed with him, but that would mean losing my self respect and my values. Besides, how can I find peace and happiness when I know I’ve caused someone huge despair.

There’s never a day that I don’t think of Leon. He was the love of my life, my happiness. But he had some growing up to do, and situtations to face on his own. And love wasn’t a question. It was about trust all along, and I couldn’t find it in him just yet

LOVE...

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10 comments

  1. Em Dy · November 16, 2008

    A very mature decision. Others would not be as selfless. I salute you.

  2. sardonicnell · November 17, 2008

    thank you, EM DY. i guess LOVE was the price i had to pay for sticking up to my principles. and i have no regrets, for i know i did the right thing 😉

  3. Loren · November 18, 2008

    It’s definitely not a losing game (pertaining to ur blog title) for in the process you have found yourself.

  4. sardonicnell · November 19, 2008

    thanks for the comforting words, LOREN. indeed, finding myself is better than finding love. too bad, we can’t have both 😉

  5. sha · November 21, 2008

    hi nell.. sometimes indeed we just let go. I am now separated divorce is still on the process. I did my best to fight for that marriage then I just let go na lang…. better that way. Love will remain in our hearts…

  6. sardonicnell · November 21, 2008

    indeed, SHA. and it’s not easy to let go, takes a lot of courage and love to do that. cheers to us, our lives will be better and the wounds will eventually heal. thank you for your kind comment 😀

  7. kengkay · November 24, 2008

    isa pa ako sa sasaludo sa iyong desisyon. tama ka, minsan dahil sa mahal natin ang isang tao kung kaya kailangang iwan natin sila para mahanap muna nila ang kanilang tunay na sarili.

  8. sardonicnell · November 25, 2008

    thanks, KENGKAY. i guess ganyan talaga ang pag-ibig at di makasarili. i’m just hoping though that leon would be able to see things thru my eyes, so he can finally move on 😉

  9. partofyou · November 30, 2008

    it is, but the game itself is worth playing 😉

  10. sardonicnell · November 30, 2008

    i think it was a mind boggling game, RONI. but it’s definitely worth the time and effort. thanks for your kind comment and visitng my blog. God bless 😀

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