Tough Love

I’ve hurt someone I love today, and I feel horrible. I know I did the right thing, yet I am feeling at fault. But I needed to draw the line somewhere, I cannot help him forever. I cannot be there each time he falls, or bail him out when he gets into trouble.

I didn’t know love can be so exhausting. Yes, I am tired, so tired of broken promises and hearing all sorts of excuses.

I am bleeding inside, for I know he felt betrayed. But this is not an act of abandonment, nor an issue about trust. I am simply doing him a favor. For if I don’t cut him out now, he would surely drag me and our family with him. Draining us of every inch of dignity and self respect we have left.

There is no doubt, I love him. But I do not like the man he has become — selfish, abusive, greedy, brassy and impolite. He has turned into a monster, capable of tormenting anyone, including the family who relentlessly cared for him.

The abuse and exploitation has to stop, and unfortunately for me, it ends here. I simply don’t buy it no more. There is nothing he can say that would change the way I feel. What I need now is a commitment for change. And until he realizes what he did wrong and seek professional help. I do not want him, not in my life or in this life time. He can bring his bullshit elsewhere, to someone he can deceive.

There is love and concern, but I am out of compassion. And yes, it’s a harsh reality he has to face. But I cannot continue putting my life on the pedestal or live in days filled with fear and uncertainties. I demand change, or I may as well lose him forever.

mendocino

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8 comments

  1. Loren · September 3, 2008

    Oh, I can so much feel for you. But you know what, you absolutely did the right thing. You love him enough (or so much) that you want to teach him to be responsible for his own life.. I read something about this written by BO SANCHEZ. I’m gonna find it for you again so you can read it. Then, you would feel less guilty. Cheer up. You have a good heart.

  2. Pinky · September 4, 2008

    Awww…hope things get better soon. Hugs from the kingdom. Take care!

  3. munchkinmommy · September 4, 2008

    you have every right to demand change, nell. (we sound like a presidential candidate! hee hee!) we all have to grow up and fend for ourselves at some point in our lives…the sooner the better, diba? much as our loved ones, family specially, are just too willing to take us in, and much as we would prefer that we be showered with TLC all the time, we just can’t go on taking advantage of the kindness of others. 😉 there’s comes a time when we have to start being a blessing to others too. in your case, you’ve been a blessing long enough. it’s high time you are showered blessings from that someone you love. 😉

  4. sardonicnell · September 5, 2008

    LOREN: thank you for sympathizing, my dear. i have no doubt naman that i’m doing the right thing. i guess my only regret are the things that were said. i must admit, masasakit ang mga salitang nasabi ko. and i am so sorry for ever saying such harsh words 😦

    PINKY: thank you, sis. i am optimistic naman. hopefully, this eeckie feeling will soon come to past. thanks 😉

    WENG: i thank you for the heartwarming comment. and tama ka sis, maybe it’s time that i take care of myself. i mean, i do like to help people. maybe i just need to taper it a little bit. it can get exhausting din kasi, hehehe. and di naman ako nag eexpect na ulanin ako ng grasya. gusto ko lang ng konting katahimikan, yong di ako nag iisip para sa ibang tao. kailangan ko rin ng time out from time to time. dba? thank you po ulit for taking my call, and for making me realize my mistakes 🙂

  5. Leap of Faith! · September 7, 2008

    Nell, sometimes we have to do things that are difficult but if that is the only way for other people to become better persons then we have to do it. Be strong.

  6. bw · September 7, 2008

    Sometimes being firm and steadfast to your principles can work for the good of others. We need to harden our hearts so we can be heard – and I believe that’s what you have done.

  7. sardonicnell · September 8, 2008

    KEITH: thanks you for the encouragement. i just hope i’m doing the right thing 😉

    BW: thank you. just hoping and praying that he finds himself and start acting like a man, a responsible and renewed one 😀

  8. K · September 10, 2008

    Agree with bw. Siguraduhin mo lang na yung poise mo cool pa rin, or else baka lalo kang magkawrinkles nyan ateh. hehehe.

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