Straight From The Netherworld

So many things have happened in the past couple months. That I found myself dead beaten, almost life less. I have lost a lot of things, and maybe some friends along the way. But I am back and ready to reclaim my place under the sun. Eka nga nila, nag recharge lang ang beauty ko!

I’m certain that by now, people are aware of our mothers battle with cancer. It was heartbreaking, one of life’s biggest blow. We were absolutely mummified to our seats when we heard the terrifying news. But we were not about to run off or wait for a miracle to happen. We took a chance and had Mom admitted to a treatment facility in Southern California. A month and a half after, she is giving the Big C one severe punch. It’s may not be a total knock out, but she’s fighting and giving it her best shot.

And then came the ghastly wind, financial dilemna and bad real estate market came knocking at my door. I did what most people would do and even more. But there was very little thing we could do on our end. I refuse to pay for something that has lost it’s value, the house was down 150K since we bought it. Refinacing was tough, our mortgage broker has ran out of options and I most certainly do not have 60K lying around the house. Interest rates are up and my brain’s drained from doing all the math. So we came to a decision, said bye-bye to our little house on the suburbs.

Then came, house hunting. I found a house and lost it a couple days before I moved in — screw that ex-hubs from hell. I should have listened to my gut feeling and settled for that dwelling in ghettoville. Beggars can’t be choosers, I said to myself. Besides, what was a destitute-daunted-gay-guy to do? Try putting your shoes in mine, and you’ll be surprise of the ideas coming out of one demoralized head. Thank heavens to my old man, who scooped me out from the netherworld.

Work or school? I am simply torn apart. I have yet to decide whether I should pursue my masters full time or work my ass again, doing the things I stronly detest. Something inside me says that I should go for what I want. But my bank account opposes. Now tell me, should I be a slave for money or a zealous stone-broke master?  Whoever said, empty pockets never held anyone back hasn’t seen what I’ve been through.

He says, she says. I feel like yelling, you can all go to hell. But can you really tell your family that? Hahaha, I thought so. However, I am close to saying f*ck off. It’s just a matter a time before I eventually  explode. I almost want to erase the word nursing from the dictionary. I don’t get it when people say, bakit di ka nalang kasi nag-nursing? In demand yon, daming ospital na naghahanap ng nurse. I swear, I was close to b*tch slapping a relative for thrusting that idea time and time again. What part of nursing’s not my calling, can she not understand? Tinagalog ko na, pero di pa rin tumahimik. I beg of her, please leave me in peace!

Masters in Public Administration or Healthcare Administration. This time, I had it all figured out. Either one is a win-win situation. I took a lot of things into consideration: personal preference, previous employment, fields of specialty, financial security, room for career advancement and professional stability. And after a lengthy discussion with the Dean of Public Affairs and Administration, it finally came to a conclusion. I haven’t made any rational moves, but I will eventually. I just have to take it slow for now. I am exhausted, I need a break. Time out na po muna…

Sea Bird