Hitting The Nail On The Head

Our seven day trip to Calgary has proven to be one of my most memorable vacation. This has been one of those very few occassions when I get to spend time alone with mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings to bits and pieces and I look forward to family gatherings. But I sometimes have a hard time opening myself when there’s a whole bunch of people around.

On our very last day in Banff, as my mother and I were taking a walk along Lake Louise. She asked me this question that caught me off guard. She said, ” I’m going to bet my life on this. But you haven’t forgiven your Dad for what has happened to us. Right? “ I heard her loud and clear, and I was left clueless. Should I lie or should I lie to myself more?

The truth is, Mom is right! I have always hold my Dad accountable for there divorce and our families separation. If not for his infidelity, my siblings wayward life would have been different. Mom wouldn’t be with another guy, and like a fairy tale. We would have live happily ever after. Part of me wants to understand him and another wants me to seek someone else to blame for what our family has gone thru.  But how do you exactly hate your father? And make him pay for the unhappiness he caused?

I was lost in words and realization. That I couldn’t find the words to say and describe the way I feel towards my Dad. He is a good man, yet he was an awful husband. He was not the ideal father, but he was an amazing provider. Truly, he wasn’t perfect and he is human in every way. But how do I see pass his flaws? Which reminded me of what my Lola use to say — It is hard to forgive the people we love and trust. Much more, if it’s the family we adore.

It’s been years since my parents decided to go there separate ways. And still, I had some resentments that I haven’t fully defeated. I understand that Mom and Dad are better off separated, and they’re indeed destined to be friends rather than a couple. And instead of thinking of ourselves as victims,  we’d rather condition our minds to think that we were offsprings of what was once a happy and devoted relationship. That I should feel blessed, that our parents continues to love us beyond there separation and shortcomings.

Then, it was my turn to ask Mom — how were you able to forgive him? Unlike me, she was quick to answer. She said, If I wanted to be bitter, I could have done that easily. But I have three wonderful children to thank him for. I have you guys! Your Dad is every bit human, so he has imperfections. He made a mistake and he had suffered enough, when we decided to file for a divorce. He knew that was the price he has to pay for his misdemeanor. Trust me when I say that your father is a good man. He may not be the best father, but he’s been a good provider to us all. Try and weigh the good and bad things he’s done. And you’ll be surprise of your fathers kidness and generosity. He may not be an effusive guy as you wanted him to be, but he has got to be a good person inside. Just remember how your Dad accepted you when you came out to him, not every man in his position would be accepting as he is. That right there is unconditional love! So, if he’s able to look pass your imperfections. Surely, you’d be able to do the same for him. “

I was left silent with what Mom said, she hit the nail right on the head. Dad didn’t deserve a cold shoulder, he deserves my utmost respect. I felt so disgusted over my lack of appreciation, how can I be naive? For if there were people that truly loves me for who I really am, that would be my family — my Mom and Dad. I have no right no hold any resentment. For Dad has only shown me nothing more, but unconditional love and kindness.

Nailed

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7 comments

  1. Leap of Faith! · July 7, 2008

    Nell, so nice to read from you again and what you wrote was beautiful. I was able to relate because of our similar circumstances. What your mom said was so full of wisdom. I guess truly loving people means also accepting all their imperfections. I hope you and your dad get past your differences in time.

    thanks, keith. i’m also glad to be back and blogging again. sa totoo lang eh nahihiya ako sa naging reaction ko kay dad, cause everything he ever showed us (siblings) is nothing short of love and support. tama si mom, kong sya ngang nasaktan ng todo todo eh nakapagpatawad. bakit kami eh hindi, dba? wala nga namang perpektong tao sa mundo, tao tayo at nagkakamali rin. besides, sobrang tagal na rin since mom and dad got divorce. it’s about time we let go of our grudges and move on. thanks again for your kind comment. God bless :mrgreen:

  2. Leap of Faith! · July 9, 2008

    Nell, ang hirap talaga to get over the past no. Anyway, your mom is really full of God’s special graces – forgiving people who hurt you. No wonder she is so happy now.

    By the way, I did receive the postcard you sent me last Dec. I made a blog about it – first mail ko kasi yon since I moved to KSA eh.

    http://chinois97.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/thanks-nell/

    hello keith. i don’t know if i can be forgiving as mom, ibang level na yon eh. hehehe! and speaking of the post card, this was just something i sent thru the mail last month as we were taking a long week end get away in monterey. looks like it got lost in the mail, grrrrr. pero okay lang, i’ll be sending you another one nalang. i’ll be leaving for vegas this week end, and i’ll send you guys one when i get there. thanks for your kind reply, God bless 😀

  3. Pinky · July 9, 2008

    Welcome back, Nell! We really missed you! Glad to see you back in the blogging groove again…

    I don’t know if I would have the same strength of character (and unconditional love!) that your mom has shown if I were in her place. She is definitely an amazing woman and I continue to pray that she would have more years to spend with all of you – she has so much wisdom and her ability to forgive is unbelievable.

    You are truly blessed to have a mother such as her…

    thanks for the warm welcome, pinky. matagal tagal na nga din akong di nakapag-blog. namiss ko kayo hah and ang mga entries nyo. and thanks for the wonderful comment, sis. how i wish i can be like mom, even half of her. who’s so forgiving and have no hint of resentment in her kind soul. we’re continously praying for mom’s health, may she be blessed with more years. so she can spend more time with us. thanks for all the well wishes, hope you’re enjoying your vacation in manila. mwaaah 😉

  4. bw · July 10, 2008

    Glad you took a wonderful time off with the family 🙂

    In the end, life isn’t perfect and when people move on, there is no sense in keeping the hurt and bitterness of the past. Happiness can be achieved in the new chapter of our lives, only when the hurtful past is buried and the people who have hurt us are forgiven 🙂

    you are absolutely right, bw. and thanks so much for your kind comment. the wounds of the the past would eventually heal, in time. how i wish it can be as fast as my moms, hehehe. hayaan mo at ibabaon ko rin ito sa nakaraan. thanks again and God bless 😉

  5. Meeya · July 11, 2008

    hi nell, your mom is truly a spectacular lady. if i were in your shoes, i would probably feel the same same way you do. pero it takes talaga lots of compassion, maturity and understanding, not to mention a pure and open heart to really forgive and truly forget.

    i hope this will be a good start towards a better relationship with your dad. *hugs*

    thank you, sis meeya. hopefully, with forgiveness eh i’ll be able to mend my relationship with my dad. it will take time, but i am determined to do so. balikbaliktarin man natin ang mundo, he is still my father and i still owe him my life. thanks for the big warm hug, mwaaah 😀

  6. julie · July 17, 2008

    Wonderful words of wisdom. Sometimes we are blinded by major mistakes that we fail to see the little blessings that add up and matters the most 🙂

    thanks for the words of wisdom as well, julie. i guess nature na talaga ng tao minsan, to focus on someone’s faults rather that it’s assets. dba? na kailangan pa nating paalalahan. thanks for your kind comment, i truly appreciate it 😉

  7. Leap of Faith · July 27, 2008

    Nell, wow, you sent us another post card. Nakakatuwa ka naman. Di bale, I’m sure it will arrive here. Medyo snail mail talaga dito eh. I’ll tell you once I get it.

    yes, keith. i sent you guys a post card about a month ago. hopefully, eh you guys would get it. okay lang na slow, as long sure na tanggap nyo. dba 😉

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