Our seven day trip to Calgary has proven to be one of my most memorable vacation. This has been one of those very few occassions when I get to spend time alone with mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings to bits and pieces and I look forward to family gatherings. But I sometimes have a hard time opening myself when there’s a whole bunch of people around.
On our very last day in Banff, as my mother and I were taking a walk along Lake Louise. She asked me this question that caught me off guard. She said, ” I’m going to bet my life on this. But you haven’t forgiven your Dad for what has happened to us. Right? “ I heard her loud and clear, and I was left clueless. Should I lie or should I lie to myself more?
The truth is, Mom is right! I have always hold my Dad accountable for there divorce and our families separation. If not for his infidelity, my siblings wayward life would have been different. Mom wouldn’t be with another guy, and like a fairy tale. We would have live happily ever after. Part of me wants to understand him and another wants me to seek someone else to blame for what our family has gone thru. But how do you exactly hate your father? And make him pay for the unhappiness he caused?
I was lost in words and realization. That I couldn’t find the words to say and describe the way I feel towards my Dad. He is a good man, yet he was an awful husband. He was not the ideal father, but he was an amazing provider. Truly, he wasn’t perfect and he is human in every way. But how do I see pass his flaws? Which reminded me of what my Lola use to say — It is hard to forgive the people we love and trust. Much more, if it’s the family we adore.
It’s been years since my parents decided to go there separate ways. And still, I had some resentments that I haven’t fully defeated. I understand that Mom and Dad are better off separated, and they’re indeed destined to be friends rather than a couple. And instead of thinking of ourselves as victims, we’d rather condition our minds to think that we were offsprings of what was once a happy and devoted relationship. That I should feel blessed, that our parents continues to love us beyond there separation and shortcomings.
Then, it was my turn to ask Mom — how were you able to forgive him? Unlike me, she was quick to answer. She said, “ If I wanted to be bitter, I could have done that easily. But I have three wonderful children to thank him for. I have you guys! Your Dad is every bit human, so he has imperfections. He made a mistake and he had suffered enough, when we decided to file for a divorce. He knew that was the price he has to pay for his misdemeanor. Trust me when I say that your father is a good man. He may not be the best father, but he’s been a good provider to us all. Try and weigh the good and bad things he’s done. And you’ll be surprise of your fathers kidness and generosity. He may not be an effusive guy as you wanted him to be, but he has got to be a good person inside. Just remember how your Dad accepted you when you came out to him, not every man in his position would be accepting as he is. That right there is unconditional love! So, if he’s able to look pass your imperfections. Surely, you’d be able to do the same for him. “
I was left silent with what Mom said, she hit the nail right on the head. Dad didn’t deserve a cold shoulder, he deserves my utmost respect. I felt so disgusted over my lack of appreciation, how can I be naive? For if there were people that truly loves me for who I really am, that would be my family — my Mom and Dad. I have no right no hold any resentment. For Dad has only shown me nothing more, but unconditional love and kindness.