That Thin Line Between Love & Hatred

I can’t help but get mad at myself for being a pusong mamon, that I am. This is the n-th time it got me in trouble. I try and give people the benefit of the doubt and extend a helping hand, and what do I get? Abuse and ungratefulness. I’m sure you knew how family meant the world to me, and so, when a cousin came knocking at my door asking for help to get a new car. I gladly did and signed the papers for him. No second thoughts at all, he is after all —family, a blood relative and a childhood friend. We’ve had years and years of countless good memories from back home. So it didn’t dawned on me that one day I’d be betrayed.

I won’t go in detail of what happened, but this unfortunate event did require me to pay six monthly payments on a car I didn’t drive, take two days off from work, pay for two plane tickets to LAX and tons of phone calls with the bank, the car dealer and finally, Lojack and local police department. So I’m not exactly amuse by this whole turn of events. Fortunately, the car was found and now in my possesion. My brother in law drove back to San Francisco with the vehicle, while I took a late flight out.

And as I was at the LAX Airport, my cousin decided to reveal himself all of a sudden. Why show up now? I said to myself. I was so mad that I told him to back off and leave me alone. But he was being pushy asking for five minutes of my time.  So I got up of my seat, only to give him two slaps on his face. I left him standing in the crowd after that. I didn’t want to say anything awful, but I wanted for him to feel a bit of that pain and tension he had put me thru. He made my life miserable for the past five days, and I honestly believe he deserve that slap for abusing my kindness and breaking that trust.

I am deeply saddened and hurt…  As it took us twenty three years to build this wonderful relationship. Only to be shattered by his inaccountability and thoughtless actions. How I wish it was that easy to put these all behind me, but what he did was detrimental. That left me all confused and tormented. I gave him a hundred percent of my love, trust and respect. And what do I get in return? Nothing short of frustration and plain insolence.



  1. bw · February 26, 2008

    It is not a nice feeling when this kind of I wouldn’t say betrayal but irresponsibility and indifference happens with relatives 😦

    I did guarantee a car loan for a relative once and I was naive then but much to my surprise, the liability showed up on my credit rating ! This relative was financing from a usurius financial institution paying obviously usurious interest rates 🙂 About 5 times the financial institution called me to arrange payment because he was delayed in paying and it kinda ticked me off coz I had to bargain on his behalf to allow him more time to pay, and a couple of occassions I had to lend him the money to cover. In case he defaulted, I would be in trouble so I assisted him in securing a loan with a credit union that charged half of the interest rate he is paying duh !

    Many years ago I attended a bible study session where the pastor said that you sin when you borrow money to lend to a person and I didn’t quite understand what he meant until I experienced the folly of it 😦

    truly it isn’t a good feeling, bw. the things he had to put me thru and the tension he caused within the family was unacceptable. i signed as a guarantor cause i trusted that he would make the payments, but i should questioned the fact why his parents didn’t helped him secure the loan. looks like he was irresponsible from day one, and didn’t realize it till he defaulted. this is one tough lesson and i did learn it the hard way 😉

  2. thess · February 26, 2008

    I hope you feel better soon. Shit happens…all the time. Unfortunately, people we love hurt us the most..ganun yata talaga.


    thank you, sis thess. i do look forward for better and stress free days. love yah, mwaaah 😀

  3. Meeya · February 26, 2008

    omg, i’m sorry you had to go through that, nell. if its a friend who betrays us, masakit, pero when its a family member… mas masaklap, because we expect more from our kin than from anyone else.

    the slaps on the face, wow, that’s a totally cherie gil thing ha, hehe! pero i think your cousin deserves that and more for putting you through all that stress and heartbreak.

    i hope you’ve calmed down now and are doing better. sell that car na lang siguro so you can forget about this whole debacle and move on? *hugs*

    hello meeya, truly mas masaklap pag pamilya. i really didn’t expect my cousin to do such a thing, as we’re childhood friends, too. and i thought our good relationships much important. and speaking of the slap, i feel na kulang pa yon sa panlolokong ginawa sya sa akin. feeling ko nga eh he deserves more, hehehe. thanks for the hug, mwaaah 🙂

  4. Leap of Faith! · February 27, 2008

    WHAAAAT?! To be honest, your cousin deserved more than just a slap in the face.

    I’m sure there must be a valid reason for him not paying his debt. I am assuming that he really did his best to pay them. However, there is really no acceptable excuse why he was not able to inform you of his financial problems – he knew perfectly that, as his guarantor, his problems now become yours too.

    I know it is difficult but just be thankful that you are in the giving end rather than the receiving end of this unfortunate event.

    hello keith, i feel like kulang pa nga ang sampal 😉 and he has no excuse too, besides unemployment. but then again, that has never been an excuse for me. responsibility stands with or without a job, dba? i’m just glad the bad days over, but looks like the skies gloomy again. namiss ko kasi si ate bing, sigh…

  5. abby · February 27, 2008

    haay, so you ended up paying for it din? kainis naman, pero oks lang yan, at least nagawan ng paraan.

    kwentuhan mo ako mamaya ha.

    ganon na nga po, abby. nakakainis pero what can we do, dba? pero okay na rin, kasi kahit paano eh nagawan nga ng paraan. sige at kwentuhan tayo mamaya, ingat. mwaaah 🙂

  6. weng · February 27, 2008

    nell, i know at least that you’re better now after our “short” chika chika yesterday. 😉 like i said, lumabas ang iyong inner “malakas”. hahaha! unfortunately, that’s another cousin deleted from your list of kamag-anak. hehehe. 😀 hugs and kisses to you! 🙂

    thanks to friends like you, weng. i am feeling much better. i really didn’t mean to beat the living hell of my cousin, but i was furiously mad. though he did text me, saying he deserve it. hahaha 😀

  7. Pinky · March 2, 2008

    How telenovela-ish ang sampalan scene ha – hehehe! 😛 As you said, though, he totally deserved it (and much more – if you ask me!).

    it was a bit telenovela-ish, pinky. security came after, but i was already on my way to get on the plane when they got there. he’s been calling me almost everyday, i wonder why? but then again, he does deserve the slap. medyo kulang pa nga yata eh, heheheh 😉

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