I Love You, Goodbye

I got a phone call at 1:34 PM today, that my beloved cousin (more like a sister) died in her sleep early this morning. I was shocked in disbelief, cause in my head I can still picture her alive, with this big bright smile on her face. I must be in denial, subjecting myself to not face the painful reality. You see, she’s been battling the Big C (breast cancer) for quite sometime now and somehow I knew it was coming, one way or another. And yet, I was still unprepared. I found myself staring at the office window, saying — this is not true, this is not real…

God looked down on your body,
So tired from hanging on,
From a life that was overwhelming you,
And wanted back His child.
So he took away the air you breathe,
And gave you what was best,
A place to be at peace,
A final place to rest.

She said to me not too long ago, no tears when I die. But I can’t help it, I needed to let my sorrows out. Her departure has left me helpless and in pain. Life would never be the same without her. I lost a cousin, a sister and a friend…

I love you so much and I promise to always keep your memory alive in my heart and in my thoughts. I promise to pick up the pieces of your wonderful life and make them my own. You need not worry about your beautiful kids, as we’ll try and raise them to be good and kindhearted people like there mother. And I promise to always remind them of your infinite love and grace. May your sweet loving soul find peace and solace in heaven. I will miss you, Ate Bing!

Ate Bing

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10 comments

  1. K · February 26, 2008

    Hi Nel, I am sorry for the loss.

    It always made me sad hearing news like this.

    May she rest in Peace.

    thank for your kind sympathy. our family will miss her immensely, but we find ourselves comfort in the fact that she’s no longer in pain. thanks again and God bless…

  2. tulipfleurs · February 26, 2008

    Hello Nell . . . I am so very sorry to hear about your cousin, Ate Bing’s passing. I wish I could be there right now to comfort you in this time of sorrow but please know that I will keep your Ate Bing, you and your family in my prayers. I will ask God to give all of you comfort and strength during this time and that may your Ate Bing’s soul rest in peace. What has helped me when my own Nanay died was knowing that she is no longer in pain . . . same goes for your Ate Bing. She is with God now in that heavenly place, free of pain . . . she’s looking down at you because she knows that you were very special to her. Ate Bing will always have a special place in your heart. My deepest sympathy Nell, to you and your family. Again, I wish I could be there for you. I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? Love, and hugs . . . Lulu

    thanks for the kind uplifting words, lulu. we knew this was going to happen eventually, but i guess nothing can ever prepare us in facing death. ate bing will be missed and i so long for one more day with her, but our family had to remain strong as we have her two children to raise. thanks so much again for empathizing, i sincerely appreciate it. God bless…

  3. Leap of Faith! · February 26, 2008

    Nell, I am so sorry to hear the sad news. I don’t know what to say except that we will pray for Ate Bing and all of you.

    Stay strong.

    thank you, keith. we do need all the prayers from family and friends. ate bing tried to fight the big c, and she did just that for us and her two children. but like everything else, it has to come to a conclusion. God showed her mercy, she was taken solemnly in her sleep. we find ourselves peace and comfort that she’s no longer in physical pain. our family appreciates your love and prayers, God bless…

  4. thess · February 27, 2008

    *HUGS to you and tita*

    thanks sis thess, we appreciate all the love and concern. big warm hugs to you, too. God bless us all…

  5. Meeya · February 27, 2008

    nell, i’m so sorry for your loss. we’ve all read how learning about your cousin’s illness affected you a lot, so her passing must really really be hard for you. she’s in a better place now, where pain and suffering no longer exists.

    you will all be in my prayers. *hugs*

    thanks for the uplifting words, meeya. i think i’m in a state of denial, maybe i wanted to keep her alive and well in memory. that i refuse to even imagine that i’m unable to talk and hold her. i have so many things going thru my head right now, and the people around me are totally crippled from this loss. i’m certainly having a hard time catching up and understanding the devastating turn of events. to be honest, i feel like a walking zombie at this very moment. trying to put on a happy face, but inside i’m a mess. thanks for all the love and prayers. love yah lots and God bless…

  6. weng · February 27, 2008

    nell, again, i’m sorry for your loss. i’m sorry i wasn’t any help yesterday when you told me the sad news. 😦 in moments like this, one can seldom find the words that can comfort those who were left behind. i would have loved to have been able to hug you instead. will pray for ate bing and for your family. i hope you, your mom and your sister can find comfort in each other. i know you all love your ate bing so much. hugs to you.

    thanks for your kind sympathies, weng. it is truly during tough times that we discover the truest of friends. and there’s also no need for apologies, and i wasn’t myself as well when i heard of ate bings passing. thanks so much for taking time to talk to me, and for offering prayers for my cousin. i sincerely appreciate your kind gesture. in behalf of the family, thank you, thank you. God bless you for the beautiful person that you are…

  7. bw · February 27, 2008

    I am very sorry to hear about your loss brother. I am sure your cousin was prepared for the eventual reunion with our Maker. There is sorrow in your heart, but at the same time you must also rejoice that she was prepared, and had that peace and love before her final voyage. God Bless.

    thank you for empathizing, bw. there is pain and sadness in my heart, but moreso, i have peace for she’s happier and free from that tremendous physical and emotional pain. i hope she sends me a smile from heaven. God bless you, too and thanks again…

  8. abby · February 27, 2008

    condolences to you and your family arnelli.

    in behalf of the family and myself — thanks for your kind sympathies, abby. we sincerely appreciate all the love and prayers…

  9. rose · February 28, 2008

    sorry to hear that, i cant imagine how it is to lose a loved one. i dont wanna even think about it 😦

    atleast, she didnt suffer for too long. kaya lang nakakalungkot pa din. i remember, my lola, she suffered for so long, kasi ayaw pa ng mga anak nyang tangaglin yung life support. pero they have to let her go…they had to, nahihirapan na kasi. ganon kasi tayo di ba? haggang maaari gusto nating makita at ayaw nating mawala sila. God has plans sa lahat, sa mga maiiwan at sa umalis. i hope and pray that you will be okay, shes with the Lord watching you and guiding you.

    takecare and hope you feel better…

    thank you, rose. thanks for your kind comforting words. it’s tremendously heart breaking losing a love one, but in a way it is a celebration of life. she’s at peace and free from all sort of pain. i’m sure she’s smiling on us from heaven. God bless you, too…

  10. Pinky · March 2, 2008

    OMG! Am so sorry to read about your loss, Nell 😦 Been out of cyberspace for quite a while that it’s only now that I got to learn about your cousin’s passing…

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God rest Ate Bing’s soul.

    thanks for your kind sympathies and prayers, pinky. i sincerely appreciate it…

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