Moving Along

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass… 

It took me weeks to finally convince myself to pick up the phone and call my ex-hubs. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and Dad was absolutely right. Yes, believe it or not Dad shared some words of wisdom base on his failed marriages, as he calls it. So last night I called my ex-hubs and said the words that would eventually set him free from all the guilt he’s been feeling. He cried on the phone through out our conversation and it somehow made me teary eyed, too. I didn’t know my forgiveness meant that much and more to him. I even had a short talk with his partner, who gladly offered peace and friendship.

And as I close this chapter of my life. I realized how selfish I’ve been, holding on to that forgiveness he deserves. People make mistakes, and he did do me wrong. But it’s nothing compared to how I made him suffer all these years. What is there to gain besides making both our lives miserable? It’s definitely one hard lesson learned. And I’m dawdly learning, that hatred should never have a place in my heart.

Sunset By The Pacific Coast

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14 comments

  1. kengkay · February 7, 2008

    that’s a great realization. i also believe in that, there is not enough space in our hearts for hatred — mas masarap ang love 😀

  2. sardonicnell · February 7, 2008

    that is so true, ms kengkay. even i feel liberated 😉

  3. tulipfleurs · February 7, 2008

    Hello Nell . . . I’m so happy for you that this part of your life has brought you closure. I know you had mentioned this in your previous post way back when . . . we all knew that there will come a time when you will be ready to “forgive” him . . . and today was thee day. Not only did you have him “suffer” all these years, but there was the part of you I’m sure you were bothered by it. Forgiving someone is one of the most difficult things to do because of all the hurt and pain that was inflicted. Although my situation with my bro and cousin was different from yours, we both were hurt and like you, it was hard for me . . .Actually, I take it back . . . it’s easier to “forgive” but harder to “forget.” . . .but again, I’m so happy that you have found peace yourself . . . take care . . . Hugs, Lulu P.S. Gotta get some shut eyes now. G’night!

  4. Beng · February 8, 2008

    Hi Nel, you did the right decision at di ba’t ang gaan ng pakiramdam mo ngayon? A nun once asked me shortly after my divorce if I hated my ex-husband for all that happened. I told her that I couldn’t carry around that anger and that hurt inside of me any longer. I forgave him for what he did to me.

    It is part of my healing process, so it’s a bit of a selfish gesture in that regard: I did it for me.

  5. sardonicnell · February 8, 2008

    hello lulu, thanks so much for your kind comment. truly, it is much harder to forget that it is to forgive. i discovered that i’ve been carrying this burden far too long that it’s affecting me personally and my will to trust and love again. it’s been a while since i had peace of mind and forgiving my ex-hubs and his partner (now) did it for me. and it feels good to have that peace. as for your cousin and brother, i hope that you’re able to resolve your differences and make peace for life is indeed short, and the times we spend hating and holding grudges is a waste of our precious time. thanks again lulu, i sincerely appreciate everything you said. God bless us both and our love ones, mwaaah :mrgreen:

  6. sardonicnell · February 8, 2008

    thank you, sister beng. it does feel good inside, now that it’s all in the past. i so admire your kindheartedness, mahirap yata ang divorce hah. that’s kinda like my mom and dad, they were both devastated after the separation. but they’re very good friends now, and all of us (children) are happy. there’s is indeed life after a painful divorce. thanks again for the kind words, sis beng. have a great week end, mwaah 😀

  7. bw · February 8, 2008

    I always think that time is the great healer and no matter how we hate the person, the passage of time allows us to provide some sense of closure to it, whether we like it or not.

    Some people have too much pride that they can’t let go of hatred. I think hatred promotes bitterness and bitterness kills because we become uptight, angry and stressed when we can’t find an answer for it. 😦 The more we release it, the better we are emotionally and mentally 🙂

  8. sardonicnell · February 8, 2008

    i say time and divine intervention, bw. time does heal wounds and then God touches the heart to finally let go of hatred. which reminds me of something i red from mitch alboms book. it says:

    holding anger is a poison. it eats you from the inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

    isn’t it true, bw? i’m just glad that i can close this chapter of my life and move on to the other. have a great week end 😀

  9. Leap of Faith! · February 8, 2008

    Nell, congratulations. What a very difficult thing to do. I’m sure you will definitely be a lot happier now especially since that burden has been lifted off your shoulder.

    Finally, now you can truly live your life again 🙂

  10. sardonicnell · February 8, 2008

    hello keith, thanks so much for your comment. i am definitely happier, now that i’m slowly able to move along. like you said, it wasn’t easy. but the peace it brought into my life is priceless 😉

  11. munchkinmommy · February 9, 2008

    hi nell! i’m so happy that you were finally able to forgive and let go and finally close this chapter in your life. i bet you feel so much better now that a very heavy load has been lifted off your chest! what you did wasn’t very easy to do and i admire you more so now than ever! hugs and kisses to you! mmmwah!

  12. sardonicnell · February 9, 2008

    thanks weng, i do feel much better and that peace of mind is amazing. add to that, a feeling of huge relief. ngayon ko lang na realize that i’ve hurt my ex-hubs more than the pain he left me. i really felt bad, but then again that’s all in the past na. what’s impt is we’re able to move on and continue living. thanks for the kind words, weng. nakakataba ng puso, promise. have a great week end, mwaaah 😀

  13. Meeya · February 12, 2008

    nell, i am so proud and so happy for you! you know what’s in my heart about this, pinagdarasal ko talaga na maresolve mo na itong issue with your ex para makuha mo na yung peace of mind that you deserve. so ngayon, you’re free!! yehey!!

    what’s next for you my friend? 🙂

  14. sardonicnell · February 12, 2008

    thanks meeya, there’s indeed peace. and nabunatan na rin ng isang tinik, hehehe. but there’s one more person i have to deal with pa. and we all know who, dba? konting oras pa and darating din tayo don. and finally eh forever peace na, hahahah! (uy, not RIP hah) what’s next? let’s see, another boyrfriend? hahaha, joke lang. not right now, i’m enjoying my sanity pa, hahahah :mrgreen:

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