I was given a Westfield shopping card by my older brother for Christmas. And so I dragged my sister with me to San Jose and shop for some work clothes yesterday. Half hour walking around, my sister pulled my sleeves. She said, “Oh my gosh, you don’t want to turn your back!” I didn’t know what she meant when she said that and so I looked behind me. And true enough, my sister was right. Darn it, I should have listened.
It was my ex-husband, the guy who once tore me into pieces. You must be asking yourself, husband? How could that be? Well, at one time in my crazy beautiful life — I did get married to this guy. So you can say I was someone’s wife for two years. But then I caught the jerk cheating on me (what’s new, right?), someone he introduced to me as a cousin. They must be so darn close! Needless to say, I filed for termination of reciprocal beneficiary relationship soon after I’ve discovered there horrific affair.
So, here he is a couple meters away from me. When I froze for a quick second, till my sister got my attention. We were about to walk away, when he saw us. I said to myself, “Oh please Lord, don’t make him see us. Don’t let him walk towards our direction.” I tried to run away, but my legs can only carry me so far. He caught us right before we could reach the escalator.
X: Hey Nell, Hey Epee! Nice to see you guys.
Nell: I hate to be rude, but we’re in a rush here.
Ex: Please wait, this would only take a couple minutes!
Nell: This is not the right place for a conversation, Dude. Can you please “F” off!
Ex: Guess you’re still mad at me all these years. But we really need to talk. You never return my emails or my phone calls, so I’m a bit desperate.
Nell: There really is no need for this right now.
Ex: Would you please, please talk to me. Even for just a couple minutes. And I promise, I won’t bother you again.
Nell: I said, No!
Nell: Dude, what part of NO don’t you get?
I then walked away from him, tightly holding my sister hands. I was shaking and suddenly felt cold. I had to excuse myself and rush to the rest room. And as dark as I am, I looked myself in the mirror and I was pale in horror.
I was so not ready for that confrontation. It may have been years since we broke up, but base on my reaction; it looks like I haven’t completely healed. I didn’t intentionally want to be rude, but what was I supposed to tell him? I’ve come to accept the fact that he cheated and what once was a sweet relationship has gone sour. But it does not erase the fact that he tore me into pieces, shattered little pieces. Truly, I have yet to overcome this ire feeling.
Forgiveness is easy, but ignoring that painful memory is the tough part of it all…