A Not So Friendly Advice

” A true friend embosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously and continues a friendship unchangeably. ”

– William Penn – 

A friend came to my door step in tears early this morning, I was still in my pajamas with my unruly hair when I opened the door. I figured out that she came to me to seek comfort, so I told her to have a seat in the dining area, have some coffee and wait for me, while I clean up and get dressed.

Looks like my lady friend’s having some marital problems. She got into a huge argument with her husband cause of her stepchildren. I was very much aware that this so called marriage was a disaster waiting to happen. I have this gut feeling from the start, and I’ve tried talking my friend out of this misery. But she dared not listen to my kind advice as she was in love. The husband use to work for this luxury cruise ship. He then ran away and was an illegal alien for a couple years; till she met my friend. They got married in Reno and now the husband can legally stay in America. Typical story, if you ask me.

But forgive me for being one sided. You see my friend has been busting her behind working day in and day out at the hospital (she’s a nurse); even requesting for more overtime. And what is the husband doing? Watching football and DVD’s at home. I swear, I told my friend that I have no problem practicing my target shooting skills on him. And this is not the end of my friends misery, she said she now owes almost $12K in credit card bills. And guess who made most of those purchases? And what does the guy have to say to this, pay it for now and I’ll pay you later! How convenient for him, huh? There’s also the stepchildren who are lazy bombs, who won’t do any home chores and couldn’t hold a job for even a month. And yet they have cellphones, laptops, Ipods and designer clothes; all courtesy of my friends credit card. Then there’s also the domestic violence, whenever my friend would ask her husband about his job search. He would suddenly spark an argument and start hurting my friend by either slapping, choking or hitting her head on the wall. And she has every proof, I took some pictures of her bruises and marks on her arm, neck and face. I look at my friend and almost cried seeing her hurt, all frail and helpless. I was seriously considering beating the living crap of her husband! I don’t think my friend deserve such harsh and inhumane treatment, moreso from her so called husband. Seeing her hurt, is like inflicting me harm as well. That is how much I love her as a friend!

Anyhow, I think my gilrfriend has finally hit her head hard on the wall and woke up from her long nightmare. What she thought was a happy marriage was nothing but fools gold. Obviously, she was used (for a green card) and abused over and over again for money and convenience. We’ve heard this all before, whenever her husbands all drunk and partying with his friends. He had the nerve to brag that marrying my friend was like winning a lottery. Grrrrr, the nerve! But finally, she’s decided to leave him for good and has asked for my help finding a good divorce lawyer. And we didn’t have to look far, I phoned my aunt right away to pay her a visit at her house.

Base on the facts stated by my friend, my aunt said that there’s a lot of grounds to dissolve the marriage. Just the domestic violence alone is enough, add to that the financial burden he has caused her. According to my aunt, her husband and his children may even end up getting deported back to the Philippines. Since the guys probationary period hasn’t elapsed. And if my friend files legal charges, no doubt the husbands going bye bye, Miss American Pie! After a good hour of discussion, we decided that it’s time she head home and take care of business. It’s time to kick his husbands behind on the curb!

So with evidences at hand, we decided to go to the nearest police station and file a report. We were then escorted by two cops to her house, so the guy can leave the premises of her home along with his abusive spoiled children (mind you, they’re already 18 and 20 years old); who all made my friends life miserable. As expected, the guy and his kids made a scene. But eventually calmed down and started begging her for forgiveness. What a bunch of jerks! But my friend has made up her mind, enough is enough. It took about two hours for them to leave, while the husband was taken by the cops. Finally, my friend was able to breath and take hold of her life.

I gave her a big hug and a big pat on the back for doing the right thing. She smiled and we ended hugging each other again. She said that she probably wouldn’t be able to do all these if not for my help. But honestly, she did everything on her own; I was just there for moral support. And offering her a hand was the very least I can do for her kindness and friendship. She’s a dear friend and many times, I too, have cried to her and not even once has she turned her back on me. So, now that she needs a crying shoulder and a good helping hand. Who am I to say no? Which reminds me of something my mother use to say — don’t look upon friendship as an opportunity. Consider it more as a wonderful responsibility.



  1. Beng · December 9, 2007

    Hi Nell,
    I am lucky to have crossed your way. Keep it up and God bless you and your family. Ang bait mo talaga!

    Lain pay ato…diin man ka sa atua?

  2. sardonicnell · December 9, 2007

    hello sister beng, thanks so much for visiting my blog. i am lucky as well that our paths have crossed, i’ve always been eager to meet new people and friends. cheers to us, cheers to friendship!

    ps: taga cagayan de oro mi, pero daghan ang among parente sa davao. kay mga ig-agaw sa akong inahan taga digos 😉

  3. tulipfleurs · December 9, 2007

    Hello Nell . . . I’m sorry to hear what your friend is going through but it’s wonderful that she has you as a friend . . . some one to shoulder her pain, frustration and sadness. She’ll get through her ordeal because of the genuine friendship both of you share. It’s times like this when we need our dear friends and of course prayers to help us through life’s ups and downs. Hope you had a fabulous weekend. BTW . . . We put up our Christmas tree last night . . . . 🙂 will post maybe tomorrow. Good night . . . Take care too!

  4. sardonicnell · December 9, 2007

    hello lulu, thanks for your kind comment. i was really sorry for what my friend had to go thru, but in a way i’m also releive since she doesn’t have go thru such a harsh ordeal. i also suggested my friend to seek psychiatric help. you know how trauma can affect our mind set. i know better, since i’ve had that same experience. i’m praying that my friends life would be happier, this time till forever. and we are both lucky to have each other as friends 😉

    i’m so excited to see your xmas tree, i look forward to seeing it on your blog. God bless and hope you had a wonderful week end 😀

  5. thess · December 9, 2007

    Wow Nell…hurray to your friend who finally made the right decision..yes! (gusto ko pumalakpak sa tuwa ha!) I love reading true to life triumphant stories like this. Being in love is one thing, but being a victim because you allow yourself to be one is another thing….but I’m so glad she now has full control of her life, she deserves to be happy. she’s also lucky to have you as a friend.. and she will, someday… i hope soon !!! 😉

  6. sardonicnell · December 10, 2007

    hello sister thess. i think i’ll throw my friend a liberation party. she did the right thing, putting a stop to his abusive husband and stepchildren. i happen to have a personal experience with the stepkids, and ow golly! they’re the laziest and impolite people i’ve seen and encountered. ang papangit ng ugali, sobra!

    anyhow, i hope this incident does not repeat itself. and that she shouldn’t let anyone lay a hand or disrespect her. and marami pang matitinong lalaki dyan noh. in time, she’ll find the perfect man. the one she’ll call, for keeps.

    thanks for your kind comment, sis thess. hope you had a great week end. love yah lots, mwaaaah :mrgreen:

  7. Leap of Faith! · December 10, 2007

    Nell, grabe! Kawawa naman ang friend mo. It’s good that she has finally come to her senses and realize that this marriage is not worth fighting for.

    Buti na lang you are there to give her support. I’m sure if your friend’s husband new what you did to the bullies before (i.e. bubble gum incident) he would have left without waiting for the police. He doesn’t know who he is messing with!

  8. rollercoastermom · December 10, 2007

    oh my, how horrible! buti nalang nauntog narin ang friend mo and now she has full control of her life again. sometimes we can really be blinded by love. kaya it’s also very important that we remember to love ourselves as well. i hope her horrible husband and those lazy ass kids get deported nga and blacklisted from the US! 😛

  9. sardonicnell · December 10, 2007

    KEITH: i was glad that she finally touched base with reality. but i told her naman that it’s never too late to start a new life, dba? it’s one horrible experience, and i hope it does not happen again. i swear keith, nong nakita yong hudas na asawa ng friend ko gusto ko ng upakan o di kaya pagpraktisan ng target shooting. but i had to behave myself since there was two cops with us. pasalamat sya may pulis, kong nagkataon eh buhok lang nya and di tatamaan ng bala. hahahahah! yabang noh? but kidding aside, i hope that guy and his children would get the punishment they so deserve. ang evil ko noh? hahahaha 😀

    KRIS: so true, kris. we need to love ourselves first, pero minsan kasi sa sobrang in love eh nakakalimutan ang sarili, dba? anyhow, im crossing my fingers that my friend here files the divorce papers in court as soon as possible, so the guy and his kids can get deported soon as possible. im afraid they might fight back and hurt her. alam mo na, baka mapraning ang mga yon at pagtangkaan ang friend ko 😉

    thanks so much for your kind comment. have a great day you guys!

  10. cheh · December 10, 2007

    She’s very lucky to have a friend like you nell! may usa nga pinay sad deri nga katong nag buwag sila sa iyang german nga husband gui chismis hinuon sya sa iyang mga amiga nga sala kuno ni niya,nga si pinay ang may deperensya deli kadtong manyakis niyang husband.Naghilak hilak ning pinay ingon nga maayo pa kuno ang deli nya amiga,gui dapigan sya pero iyang mga friends gui ga judge sya.This makes your friend a lucky one to have you as her friend,who truly cares for her & fight for her as a friend.Deli preho ning mga bruha deri ba 😉 re– to your friend’s husband! good for him!animal dyud!

    anyways, I hope you have a nice week ahead nell! ayo ayo…

  11. sardonicnell · December 11, 2007

    hello cheh! kalu-oy pud anang pinay, instead nga tabangan na giduot pa gyud. i hope here life is better now. as for my friend, she called me last night to have dinner with her. she seems like a happier person and not too problematic. i guess it’s a good sign that her life is moving forward. as for the husband, madeport unta ang salbahes! hahahaha. sama ko talaga noh? hehehe. have a wonderful day, cheh. God bless, mwaaah :mrgreen:

  12. reyna elena · December 11, 2007

    UY! dili na ko kasabot mag-binisaya dahil gamay na lang ang aram naku hahaha!!! but i think i can understand what you guys are talking!!!

    Thanks for visiting! I added you on my bloglines para i could visit you often!

  13. sardonicnell · December 11, 2007

    hello reyna elena, you’re very welcome. and thanks so much for visiting my blog as well. at least nakasabot ka ng bisaya, dba? my brothers the same way, he knows a couple words; but can comprehend completely. sabi nga nila, dili nato malibak! hahahaha. thanks for adding me to your bloglines, God bless 😀

  14. munchkinmommy · December 12, 2007

    nell, buti na lang at natauhan ang friend mo! God bless her! God bless you! 🙂 i just hope she remains strong and doesn’t fall into the same old trap all over again. i sincerely wish her all the best and i hope this is the start of better and brighter things for her! 😀

  15. sardonicnell · December 12, 2007

    that is also my prayer, weng. pero mukhang decided na sya and solid on her decision to file for a divorce. di yata biro ang pinagdaanan nya, it’s not that easy for forget. i wish her a better future and if possible, a better partner in life 😉

  16. Jen · December 12, 2007

    what an excellent ending (so far). &^$%ing bastards!

    you are cool nell 🙂

  17. sardonicnell · December 13, 2007

    hello jen, so far so good naman. been having lunches at her house almost everyday and she’s really decided. as for those bastards, i hope they get what they deserve. hahaha, sama ko noh 😉

  18. Meeya · December 14, 2007

    eto yung example ng few times that i support divorce 🙂 dapat talaga meron kang avenue to leave your abusive spouse when you absolutely need to. i’m happy for your friend, no one deserves to be used that way. sana nga ma-deport na yang hunghang na soon-to-be-ex-husband niya. and she’s very lucky she has you for a friend. 🙂

  19. sardonicnell · December 14, 2007

    hello meeya, ako naman eh pro choice. at buti nalang here in the US eh legal ang divorce. noon pa naman, sabi ko sa friend ko na mukhang di mapagkakatiwalaan ang asawa nya. ewan ko ba, iba kasi ang kilos eh at tsaka saksakan ng demanding. thanks heavens at tapos na etong masalimoot na yugto ng buhay ng aking friends. i’m constantly praying for her, that she finds a lifetime partner. cause she deserves to be happy and loved. dba? thanks for your comment, mwaaah 😀

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