Mom and I haven’t said a word to each other for almost two weeks now. I just thought she needed some space after our small argument. I certainly needed mine, while she made plenty of attempts to patch up our differences. She’s made numerous phone calls and sent me emails, I red and heard them all. But I wasn’t ready to talk, I wanted to clear my head.
I do understand that Mom was going through some tough times lately with my cousin’s health situation and all. And she has every reason to be upset and moody. And Mom was not alone in this sadness, the whole family did go through some emotional roller coaster. It was hard for me getting up each morning not caring, while there are people who’s only wish is to have one more day. A day to see the sun shine and watch as the moon beams over one more starry night. It’s been truly difficult!
But what sparked our argument, was her accusations over my lack of tears. To a certain extent, I was even addressed as one heartless bit-h! Wow, it felt like a knife stabbed me straight to the heart. Was Mom joking when she said that? Does she really mean every word? Just because I didn’t shed a tear right in her midst, all of a sudden I turned into this one bad person. Of course, I didn’t say anything. I just stood quietly in one corner of the living room, I then grab my car keys and left. I bit my tongue out of respect for my mother.
But looks like Mom came to her senses days after. She realized that she did hurt my feelings. And of all people, she should know that I was grieving inside and feeling my cousin’s pain. The accusations were lies to begin with. Maybe, Mom was having one of those panic attacks and it so happen that I’m the only one in sight at that moment; and had no other choice but to endure her wrath and frustrations. I really didn’t know what was going thru her head. But whatever it was that happened, I know in my heart that Mom didn’t mean harm. However, it’s not fair to blurt it out on others. ( I myself am guilty of these, sometimes. )
Anyhow, I decided to pick up the phone this morning. Luckily, I didn’t get transferred to her voicemail. I was able to talk to Mom and we decided to make our peace. Of course, there were tears and she was panting on the phone. That I had to console her for a little while. But she sounded very sorry and as a son, who am I not to forgive? Right. I guess we really can’t fight love, tough love that is!