Did I Tell You, I Love You?

These past couple days have been most interesting and mind boggling — there’s the horrific news about my cousin, people around me sobbing non-stop, and then Mom rushed to the hospital twice; first cause of panic attacks and second her blood pressure and ulcer. So this whole week was a bit overwhelming for me, really felt like being torn to pieces. But I can’t complain, not now!

Then, I finally got the courage to call my cousin in Manila. I was excited to hear her voice, but then I was also clueless what to say. I’d usually have something good to share, but this time my head’s empty. Simply hearing her voice was enough and for the first time (since we heard the news), tears rolled down my face. I had to pass the phone to my sister, went to the bathroom and cry some more in front of the mirror. I felt better, real better after.

A good ten minutes after, I asked for the phone back. This time I decided to make our conversations more uplifting. Told her to wait for me till January and we’ll sing karaoke all night long. We laughed about our tragic love life (more like the past), our summers back in Cagayan de Oro and our simple dreams. She wanted to be travel the world, and she did. I wanted a lifetime partner, and told her it’s a work in progress. We just laughed and giggled like we did before.

In closing I said to her, I love you so much, Ate! And in reply she said, I love you,too, Bayotch!

Lilies

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13 comments

  1. thess · November 20, 2007

    Happy to see you ‘up and about’ gorgeous bayotch! Sometimes we just have to follow the lead of those who really suffer, for in them we find strength, maybe strange but oftentimes true.
    Bakit naman kasi naliligo ka pa, na missed mo tuloy call ko *lol* Alam mo naman na love kita at ayaw ko malungkot ka…balak pa naman sana kita kantahan kanina, ayun, sorry ka na lang nasa shower ka eh mwahihihihi!

    silip ako ulit, may deadline ang lola mo (hay naku, ano pa nga ba, sumasakit ulo ko sa mga ads ko)

    *wink* as Arnie would say: ” I’ll be Beck ” 😀

  2. munchkinmommy · November 20, 2007

    hi nell! i’m glad to hear that you got to talk to your cousin and that doing so made you feel better. 🙂 i’m sure she appreciates all the love that’s being showered to her at this trying time. are you going to visit her in january? that would be really great!

    may you and your ate have many more times to laugh and giggle with each other!

    hugs and kisses to you! mmmwah!

  3. Ann · November 20, 2007

    Ako din nagiging speechless pag sa mga situation na ganyan but ithe minutes that you spent talking to your cousin made her really happy and I am sure she felt your love across the ocean and over mountains.

  4. sardonicnell · November 20, 2007

    SIS THESS: thanks for the warm welcome and for taking time to call me. sayang nga eh kasi five mins after eh i got out of the shower. grrrr! but i do appreciate your kind gesture. sobrang touch ang bakla, hahahah. i guess the fact that i had a good cry and was able to converse with my cousin made all the difference. if i’ve known, i could have called her earlier para di na ako nahirapan, dba? she truly is one amazing woman, she knows how to give a fight. i don’t know where she draws her courage, and she’s an inspiration — that as long as we’re ALIVE, there will always be HOPE :mrgreen:

    WENG: i’m hoping we can laugh and giggle again, over a phone conversation. it was also filled with so many i-love-you’s, as in walang katapusan. but i’d rather save that when i see her january. i am so excited to see and hug her! thanks for all the encouragement and prayers. it helped a lot 😉

    ANN: noong una eh uutal utal talaga ako magsalita and then ayon, napahagolhol na ako after. alam ko kasi that while we were conversing eh she was in so much physical and emotional pain. i was so happy that i was able to make her smile. as in hagikhikan at tawa kami ng tawa. i miss her and love her dearly. thanks so much for your kind comment, ann 😀

  5. Leap of Faith! · November 20, 2007

    nell, it must be such a relief to be able to finally talk to your cousin and hear her voice again. sometimes that is the only way we can cope with our problems and fears… facing it head-on.

    things are just bound to get better. be strong. 🙂

    PS: hope your mom is feeling much better now.

  6. Meeya · November 21, 2007

    see, it isnt so bad? pag kasi when we are given bad news parang our mind goes into overdrive tapos kung anu-ano nang naiisip natin. 🙂 at least now, you got to talk to her, tapos nakita mo yung strength niya as a person as she goes through the ordeal. tapos yung fact na narinig niya yung boses niyo at yung loving support ninyong lahat, i’m sure she feels super loads better.

    *hugs* to you nell!

    ps. grabe naiimagine kita umiiyak in front of the mirror, ganyan din ako pag nagpa-paraluman, hehe. pero it helps a lot no? 😀

  7. sardonicnell · November 21, 2007

    KEITH: hearing her voice and realizing how strong she was, made it all better for me. i guess nauna sa akin ang takot, should have faced it heads on to put a stop on my sorrows and fears. thanks so much for the encouragement, it helped me and my family a lot. btw, mom is better. but she’s on medications for now, her doc said that her panic attacks was grief/ stress related. thanks again and God bless :mrgreen:

    MEEYA: what you said was true, my mind did go on overdrive upon hearing the news, then i had fear as well. but now that i was able to talk to her, ok ok na ako. there’s still sadness, but i’ve learned to make peace with myself. i am hopeful that a God will heal her, but i’ve conditioned myself to face the worst when that time comes. ohhh and the crying made all the difference, i felt unburdened after. at mahilig ka rin pala mag-emote in front of the mirror like me hah, heheheh. thanks so much for all the love and prayers. love yah lots, mwaah 😀

  8. Jen · November 29, 2007

    :(, i almost cried myself!

    i can’t even imagine….

  9. sardonicnell · November 29, 2007

    i was happy that i was able to talk to her on the phone. pero my golly! di ko na talaga napigilan humagolhol. as in ang sakit, cause i couldn’t be there for her in person. sigh, here’s some tissue jen… (sniff, sniff, sniff)

  10. darlene · January 31, 2008

    reading your blog is part of my routine here at work ..shhh…i admire your intelligence, your humor, your love for your family and your being a filipino…i noticed that you mentioned about summers in cagayan de oro..do you have family back there? i am from cagayan de oro…

  11. sardonicnell · January 31, 2008

    hello darlene, that was very sweet of you to say such kind words about me and my blog. thank you so much! i’m glad that you’re amuse with my entries, hehehe. my mom’s side of the family are from cagayan de oro. they’re in the lombia area now, near the airport. but my mom grew up in initao and manticao, and most of our older folks and close relatives still lives there to this day. ow golly, i miss home (cdo) and so looking forward to this coming december. i promise to kiss the ground when i get there, hahahah. thanks for the visit darlene, mwaaaah 😀

    ps: do you still speak our native tongue? where you from in cdo?

  12. darlene · August 28, 2008

    hello again..thanks for responding to my comment…i never missed any of your blog..ever!!!…though, i wasn’t able to track your response to my comment..until, i thought of doing a search for “cagayan de oro” on your site..and boy i’m so glad na wala ko nimo gi snub!!!

    of course balo pa kaayo ko bisaya..bisdak gyud ko…akong family is from camaman-an, CDO .. along – laput family…been here in ohio for 8 yrs…bag-o lang mi nagpauli (with my 2 kids and my husband) to visit my father who hasn’t been doing well with his health…

    i love your post about the post office incident..i would have done the same thing!!! to yell at the old lady hehehehe no..just kidding…reading your stuff makes me get to know you more…i’m not a stalker huh 🙂

    well..i’ve read your post about your mom too…it is normal to feel sad..i am in the same situation myself…you’re luckier to be with your mom here…i call my dad in CDO every single day…though he is on stage 4…i still believe Miracles happen….

    God Bless you and your family!!!

  13. sardonicnell · August 28, 2008

    apir ta sister darlene, nice to meet a fellow bisdak! kabalo man ka dinhi, naay mga biasaya nga ga-deny nga bisaya sila. mura ra bag di nato mahibaw-an. i’m sure you know what i mean, right?

    ang nganong isnabon man daw kita, abir? sus, pagkaswerte ko lang ba nga naay gabasa sa akong mga gisulat dinhi sa blog. and thanks so much for your kind compliment, makahilak man pud ta. hahaha!

    bag-o palang diay ka naka-uli sa cdo. sus, nasuya man ko nimo. december pa man gud mi mamauli. pero sige lang, makauli bitaw ta. dba? and i’m very sorry to hear about your dad, i will definitely include him in my prayers. and you are right, miracles do happen. God is good and He will hear our plea. dba?

    i thank you so much again, i wish you and your family good health and happiness. mwaaaah 😀

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