Except For Me…

Everyone around me has been shedding tears of sorrow and despair. My mother has been crying non stop for my cousin who was like a daughter to her. My sister has locked her bedroom door, afraid to show her sadness. And here I am, no tears and no hint of grief.

I am saddened and shocked to hear the horrific news. And I wanted to cry (I do, so badly), but  nothing would come out. I wanted to shout, but I have no strength or energy left. I heard the news and something tells me it’s real, but inside it seems like everything was just a fabrication. Like some sort of bad bluff!

Maybe, I am in self-denial…

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8 comments

  1. thess · November 14, 2007

    *hugging you from Holland*

    ………..

  2. sardonicnell · November 14, 2007

    thank you sis, thanks for that warm embrace 😀 love yah lots…

  3. Meeya · November 14, 2007

    nell, being in denial is as much a coping mechanism as is crying. so maybe that’s the way your mind chooses to deal with this – but it doesn’t mean that you don’t care, because obviously you do. i’ll include your cousin in my prayers, and i’ll be praying for you and your family too.

    *hugging you tightly from fl*

  4. sardonicnell · November 14, 2007

    thanks so much, meeya. i hope this self denial would eventually pass, cause i’d rather cry than feel this way. i know the truth is right in front of me, but i haven’t fully immersed myself in these facts. i really really really need a good cry, cause inside i feel like exploding! thanks so much for that good hug 🙂

  5. bw · November 15, 2007

    There are many ways that people grieve bro and yours doesn’t mean that you don’t care for her. You’ve been praying for her and that’s the best you can do for her. Take care , God Bless and we are praying for you and your family too.

  6. sardonicnell · November 16, 2007

    thank again bw! been feeling like an oddball lately, as i haven’t shed any tear or shown any evidence of grief. but inside, i really am. i feel like a dying candle, and the sadness is just unbearable. thanks for prayers, really appreciate that 😉

  7. Leap of Faith! · November 16, 2007

    that battle is not over yet, nell. have faith in god. don’t lose hope. be strong for your cousin (and your family).

  8. sardonicnell · November 17, 2007

    thanks for the encouragement, keith! still here, strongly hoping and praying for some miracle to happen. promise to keep the faith and keep myself steadfast for my love ones. thanks again and God bless 🙂

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