Let’s Talk Things Over

By the time we got to the beach house, Ted was complaining that his left arm was hurting. I felt bad for acting like moron, but then he didn’t want to let go of my hand. It’s not like I am going anywhere. Feeling guilty, I went to the kitchen to grab some an ice bag for Ted. I didn’t realized his arm was badly swollen cause of my kiddish quirk.

I handed the ice pack to him and he gave this smile. Funny how he’s the only person I know who finds humor in injury. Couple minutes after, he got up and went out to get something from his car. He brought out shopping bags filled with all sorts of food. And while he was out, I went back to the kitchen to set the table for dinner. Ted bought some prep meals from Boston Market which we both silently shared.

After our meal, I went to the back porch for some fresh air. I was about to light a cigarette when Ted grabbed it from hand and threw it away. I was going to say something, but I realized he was right; I shouldn’t be smoking. He then went behind my back, gave me a big hug and kissed me on my head. Needless to say, I melted in his arms. Suddenly the feeling of melancholy was gone, though temporary.

The night was getting colder and we went back inside the house. Ted lighted the fireplace and I went back to kitchen to grab some wine glasses and a bottle of merlot. I knew the night won’t go by, without revealing myself to Ted. I’m hoping that the wine would help me calm my nerves.

Ted: Hon, what’s going on here? What’s happening to you?

Nell: If I tell you, do you promise to listen.

Ted: Of course, I will.

Nell: I have this depressive disorder for quite a while now, and this is a one of it’s manifestation. I also have seasonal affective disorder and dysthymia.

Ted: Since when?

Nell: I’ve had this for close to three years now and barely anyone knew, except for my family and a couple friends. That’s why they’re giving me my space, they know I work better this way.

Ted: I see, do you want me to leave?

Nell: No, don’t, please! Just stay for now. In as much as I’d want to deny it, I feel much better that you’re here. Not unless you want to leave, I’d understand.

Ted: Now come here, you crying baby! You thought I’d leave just because you have this disorder. No way! At least give me some more credit, I’m way better than you think I am.

Ted grabbed me from my seat and gave me the most heartfelt hug ever, and I ended crying a river while I’m wrap in his arms. I admit, it is better that he’s here. He made it much easier for me to conquer my demons. I must have under estimated him. But you can’t blame me for having my doubts, as it’s only been weeks since we started going out. And I thought it was too early to trust him. But I guess time does not exactly justify true love.

Ted: Hon, I don’t care if you have depression or some other disorder. All of us have flaws, and that includes me. But you need to understand that if we are to be a couple, we need to be honest with each other. You know I love you just the same, right?

Nell: I do and I love you, too. Thanks so much for keeping an open mind.

Ted: Okay now! Enough of this and let’s go to bed. I promise you, tomorrow would be much better.

And so we hop into bed and snuggled together till the next morning. And when I woke up, I stared at Ted while he was still asleep. He snoozed like a baby, with no trace of uncertainties in his face. Then I realized how good I’ve had it all along. How I let my depression conquered my happy spirit. Thus making me forgot to count my many blessings.

And one of that greatest blessings was just right beside me —Boy, was I lucky to have these wonderful man in my life!


  1. Jen · November 5, 2007

    gesh, KEEP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. thess · November 5, 2007

    Bless Ted and his love for you.

    It isn’t Ted alone who loves you, you know! *lol*

    Welcome back!!..don’t ever do this again, ok?
    Hirap yata mawalan ng mababasang entry mo, nalulumbay ako (kami nila weng, meeya, kris and all your friends)

    seriously, u got me worried, d lang kita mai e-mail kasi nga ayaw mo may atsungot eh he he…
    love you to pieces…send my regards to Ted please 🙂

  3. sardonicnell · November 5, 2007

    hello jen, really crossing my fingers that HIS for keeps na 😉

  4. sardonicnell · November 5, 2007

    thanks for the love and concern, sister thess. love you too to pieces and don’t hesitate to email me even if i’m bluer than blue, alam mo naman na basta mga friends ko eh welcome 😉

    i think for a change, i’ve met a guy who has the balls to knock me in the head and who’s totally fearless. di naman alintana na demonyita talaga ako when im in distress. but ted was able to tame my bestial side. really hoping he’s for keeps na!

    sorry if i got you guys worried. kinailangan ko lang talagang magpakalayo sandali. sa totoo lang if not for ted joining me at the beach house (uninvited), i’d still be depress. but be rest assured na medyo ok na ko, in a couple more days eh i’ll be back to my old self!

    thanks again and hope you had a great week end :mrgreen:

  5. bw · November 6, 2007

    They say ” love is never wrong when it’s real “. Wish you all the best 🙂

  6. sardonicnell · November 6, 2007

    i’m starting to beleive that, bw! thanks for the well wishes and hopefully this is for REAL 😉

  7. munchkinmommy · November 6, 2007

    nell, you must feel so relieved after you shared what’s been bothering you with ted. i could just imagine how much lighter you must feel right now.

    tama si thess, nakakalumbay nga kung di ka pa agad babalik sa dati.

    take a lot of care! 😉

  8. sardonicnell · November 6, 2007

    it is a BIG relief, weng. i’m so surprised at how TED handled the whole situation. if he was someone else, i wouldn’t think they’d be that understanding. and there’s also this huge load taken off my back after the revelation.

    thanks for all the love and concern. i’ve missed myself as well. but were slowly getting there and in no time eh mag el bimbo ulit tayo, hahaha!

    thanks again and sorry kong medyo draggy ang entries ko lately 😉

  9. Apols · November 7, 2007

    awww Nell, i have some episodes the same as yours too. especially S.A.D.

    Ted is for keeps!

  10. sardonicnell · November 7, 2007

    hello apols, there’s truly no way of predicitng when this disorder would strike. dba? but like everything else, i’m sure it will come to past. we just have to be strong and pliant to withstand such a storm.

    i feel that TED is the one, sana nga eh ipagkatiwala na sya ni LORD sa akin. thanks for your kind comment 😉

  11. Meeya · November 7, 2007

    ayan ha, wala na dapat puwang ang kalungkutan sa puso mo kasi may magpapaligaya na sa iyo… tulad ni ted (na pati naman ako ay nai-inlove na sa kanya!).

    i guess this was a blessing na rin. for him to have seen you at your most vulnerable, instead of taking advantage, he helped you get past it pa. your family’s love is one thing, pero a lover’s embrace is truly the most sublime of all.

    next time, sana puro happy hugs naman ang share ninyo together. *muah*

  12. sardonicnell · November 7, 2007

    really blessed to have TED at my side during those depressing moments, meeya. if there’s anything i’ve learned from this, is that i need to open myself more to love and not be too distrustful of people. TED’s such an amazing person. i know it’s only been a couple week since i’ve know him, but seems like we’ve already been thru a lot.

    hayaan mo, meeya. i’ll try and keep myself happy at all times. and maybe, now that TED is around; my life wouldn’t be so dull. thanks for the kind words and love yah lots 😉

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