I had just finished reading MGG’s last entry, and I can’t help but feel saddened and moved. A guy took his own life because he was gay, and coudn’t tell his family that. It was a tragic tale, truly heart breaking. For a man to die in the middle of nowhere, a place far away from his family — to spare his love ones from shame. It’s depressing that he didn’t find the guts to even tell his mother (at the very least), the unbearable burden he’s been carrying all these years. If only he had someone to share his sorrows, he may have taken a detour.
As Oscar Wilde said, there’s only two tragedies in life — not getting what one wants and getting it. And that tragedy only generates casualties. This story made me realize how lucky I’ve been. Fortunate to have the courage to come out of the closet at a young age and blessed to have a family that embraces my atypical nature. But it wasn’t all that easy to begin with, as life carries lots of adversities along with the rewards it has to offer. At first, I had to conquer my fears when I decided to come out (though it was quite obvious ever since). There’s my fear of rejection, or the feeling of being abandoned by my own family. Then the fear of change, cause you never know what may happen after everything’s been unveiled.
To be gay, was not a choice I made. I never had any say on this particular matter. I was simply born for a peculiar life! And to this day, I barely know heavens reasons for my existence . I’m still trying to put together the pieces of my entirety. I wish I had the answers to all my questions.
As a child, I tried to change my habits. The way I move, the way I see things and my state of mind. I wanted to change everything, I wanted to be normal! To be gay is like taking the bumpy road, compared to just taking the freeway. Growing up, my parents we’re a bit harsh. Thinking that pressure and physical pain can make me think and act straight. And I didn’t hold any grudges, cause in my heart I knew they had all the right intentions. Then eventually, over the course of time — life got better. My family realized that it’s hopeless to reverse the forces of nature!
My friends and love ones would know the struggle I have to endure just to get where I am now. It took a lot of tears, a lot of physical and emotional pain, add to that the mockery I get from the people that surrounds me. So many accusations and prejudgement. They’re saying that I’m immoral, a mere piece of garbage, a waste of a man or a menace to society. I’ve heard it all and I cried it all, but I decided to fight back. The damaging and malicious words people said behind my back, made me want to prove my oppressors wrong. I might be gay — but I am human and capable of doing things every normal person can and maybe even better…
And since the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I am reminded of my mothers battle with the Big C. It’s been an emotional roller coaster these past couple years. But with the grace of God, the love of our family and friends, Mom is still with us and gorgeous as ever!