All The Pretty Horses

I don’t like going out on week days, specially if it’s a club event. I think I’m already passed that party- all-night stage, I prefer the quiet life now. But Ken was insistent that I come along as it’s our friends birthday bash. At Randy’s request I went along. ( Oww! And if she’s reading this she’ll probably kill me. I forgot, she’s no longer Randy but Cassandra. Hahaha! She’s been nip tucked from head to foot. The complete overhaul as we call it. No clues that she was once a man. I say, good for her for following her heart and a job well done! )

But now that I’ve been exposed to gay clubs and seen all these gorgeous gay men throwing themselves on the dance floor. I can’t help but reminisce and look back at those years when my night life was at it’s peak. That sometime before, I was one of those guys dancing the night away from one club to another. I had my days, too. When I was around all these good looking men, getting wasted and not knowing what happened the next day. A life I wouldn’t want to relive, that’s for sure.

I can’t believe how shallow I was before, add the words like reckless and retarded to describe my social indiscretion. I’d wake up at some strangers room and sometimes a hotel in the middle of La-La-Land. I do all these for the sake of interim pleasure. I was never an attractive person or will I ever be, but I had my ways to lure them in my trap. Definitely, it is not something I can brag about. For it was a mistake from the very beginning. Some sort of offense, a crime againts my principles and moral values.

Then came a time when I got tired of living a foolish life. I wanted change, and so I did the adult thing. All of a sudden I was craving for the intangible, I wanted to be reborn. So, I bid farewell to night life,  lust and all the pretty boys (and men). It was tough, but I was motivated to live better. Beauty can be intoxicating and pleasure, can be habit forming; like some sort of drug. But my mind is set, I had to fulfill my purpose. That is to live and be happy with the people that truly matters. Those that are capable of caring and loving unconditionally.

Just remember, there is more to life than a pretty face and fleeting gratification!



  1. munchkinmommy · September 14, 2007

    nell, consider yourself blessed that you came to your senses before it was too late. but all the experiences you went through helped mold you into the more mature and wiser person that you are now. 🙂 don’t we all wish we simply were born wise and never had to go through stuff which we would otherwise consider foolish? haay. 😀

    have a very happy weekend! 🙂

  2. sardonicnell · September 14, 2007

    thanks weng! you are so right, my past experiences molded me into a better person. pero paminsan minsan di ko mapigilan pandirihan ang sarili sa mga pinagagawa ko noon. hey! but that’s me, that’s part of the story of my life. eka nga nila! i guess experience is indeed a good teacher. have a wonderful week end also, God bless =)

  3. abbyG. · September 14, 2007

    Landicious, ever!

  4. sardonicnell · September 14, 2007

    always yan, abby. hahaha! pero nauntog na rin ako sa katotohanan. iba talaga ang tunay na pagmamahal, naks naman!

  5. thess · September 14, 2007

    I second thee, mommy WENG 🙂

    at isa pa sister Nell, ganyan talaga ang tumatanda *lmao* at least tumatanda ng may pinakatatandaan, di ba? madami sa paligid natin ang inu-uban na pero utak 12 years old pa rin?

    I want to see that possible? (before and after 😉 )

    sister Nell, have a good weekend..saan ang lakad mo?

  6. sardonicnell · September 14, 2007

    thank you, sis thess! mabuti na yong tumanda pasulong kaysa naman paurong. dba? all we can really do about our mistakes in the past is to just learn from them. dba?

    si cassandra, wala akong picture ng bakla eh. just imagine nanette medved, she looks like her. parang kambal sila, hehehe!

    tomorrow, i plan to sleep all day. been up since 2:30 AM and di na ako nakatulog ulit. then pumasok pa ako sa ofc. kaya babawi ako bukas. no plans pa naman for sunday. pero baka maglakad lakad ako sa sfo. thanks again and have a wonderful week end. love yah, mwaah!

  7. Meeya · September 15, 2007

    hi nell, i third the motion si weng hehe. well, marami naman sa atin ang may sordid na nakaraan na mas mabuti pang ibaon na lang sa limot. pero syempre, tulad nga ng sinabi nila, what you are now is a result of what you’ve been through. tsaka ok na rin that you were able to experience those things first hand, ibig sabihin may credibility ka to make judicious assertions. e yung iba diyan nasa high horse pero wala naman silang alam sa mga pinagsasasabi nila.

    besides, youre a better person now because of all that. 🙂 dapat siguro i-relinquish ko na ang aking title as domesticated party girl. ililipat ko na sa iyo ang aking tiara, hehe. *muah*

  8. sardonicnell · September 15, 2007

    hello meeya! you dont have to relinquish your title, i’d be glad to share it with you. can i be the second princess? heheheh!

    that was a part of my life im really not proud about. parang gusto ko ngang tuktukan ang sarili ko sa mga kagagahan ko before. pero nakaraan na kasi yon, it’s no use thinking much about it. what’s impt is now and how i handle things from here. dba?

    thanks for the kind comment and enjoy your week end, mwaaah =)

  9. cee cee · September 20, 2007

    haba ng eyelashes mo, friend! you are so charmed, must be your eyes. i remember just the other day, you were looking at his hot shot from head to foot.

    sister dear, have mercy on this men. dont entrap them, biro lang hah. bwahaha!

  10. sardonicnell · September 20, 2007

    hoy cecelia! baka akalain ng mga tao eh pokpok ako. loka loka ka talaga, di naman masama mag appreciate. dba? takot ko lang to get into another relationship sa ngayon =)

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