By sheer coincidence, realization came into my life at a point when I was spending a lot of time thinking about love. Not because I was falling in love — a phrase that in my current state of mind conjures images of mud puddles and a bright yellow sign that says yield, stop or better yet dead end.
Not long ago, I left my partner of many years (close to seven, but off and on). We weren’t fighting that much, but he has a whole different concept of partnership. His comes in a plural form! Needless to say, it was bound for self destruction. But later, I found out that separation brought back mutual respect. We were happier people!
There were so many questions at first after the break up. Not about the relationship, it was more of myself.
What do I want?
What’s my life all about?
Where am I going?
All the questions a reasonably self actualized and individuated gay guy should be able to answer. But somehow, I’m left scratching my head.
Hopefully, I get to find the answers soon. At least in this lifetime, would be nice. I also pray for a sign, a validation or some sort of manifestation that I’m walking in the right direction.