The Wedding

I was trying to find humor, in what feels like the end - but I couldn’t. Hours of waiting, and judgment day has started. You stand at the foot of the altar, and I look at you teary eyed six rows away. You looked at me one time, and turned your head down. That look was your goodbye. I was inconsolable! In the midst of everyone’s happiness, I was the only one feeling pain and sadness. My tears were thought to be a sign of happiness. If only they knew…

-July 19, 1998-

Cheap Thrill

I want to live like it is the end,
The sun on my face,
Water on my finger tips,
While the waves run through my feet,
To sing with joy and delight as I walk,
To enjoy the fresh mountain air,
Holding the hand of the one I love,
Because such enchantment doesn’t cost a thing.

Ten Seconds

A quick hello and a kiss that last a lifetime. He is messing with my head again, and along with it – he’s also meddling with my feelings. What was that all about? I thought it was done and over with. I thought we’ll move on and continue to be friends.

But why did you kiss me? Couldn’t it have ended with just hello and then goodbye. Why the kiss on the lips, and not a peck on the cheek? Why were we both breathing heavily? As if you took the air out of my body,  then blew life back into me. Why Leon?

Now, you’ve lit the fire in me. And I can’t find it in my heart to kill that warmth, for it feels good. But I have to restrain myself. I couldn’t trust myself when I’m with you. I know, I couldn’t run away fast enough when I pull off that string of repression. I simply can’t!

That ten second kiss,  it was but a moment in time. But it  brought the dead into life…

Much Needed Space

People need space, and I for one needed one today. Call it weird, but I decided to cut myself off from the world we live in. I called in sick (which I am – flu bug and all), unplugged the home phone, turned off my cellphone, took some meds and red a book till I fell asleep. For a couple hours, I was able to focus on myself. No work to think of, no phone calls, a little time away from the family – just time for me and the things I like doing on my own.  And surprisingly, it felt good. I enjoyed it immensely, that I wanted to do it all over again…

The Role Each People Play

My mentor once told me, that life is like a play. That each person has a role to portray in this broadway show called, LIFE. And it doesn’t matter if we got the lead role, a supporting character or an extra. A role is a role, and each character, no matter how grand or small, is important to get the story and message through. What does matter, is if we give it our best?

I Heart My Imperfections

My brown skin,
The scar on my left cheek,
Eyes the color of the earth,
In a body, no one wants,
Except me, and only me.

Old Friends

There’s hearts filled with laughter
and eyes moved to tears
with memories so vivid
transcending the years
the words of compassion
and actions so kind
the sun smiles down, when
old friends come to mind.

I’ve counted my blessings
and shuffled my dreams
and sang to the music
of deep forest streams
searching for places
the light always shined
like deep in my soul, when
old friends come to mind.

I count you among
all the guides on the path
who loved me and taught me
to dream and to laugh
when I reach my heaven
I know that I’ll find
this heaven was built
by old friends, I call mine.

The List

He wanted to know all the things that made me cry. He wanted a list, so that he would know. And so perhaps avoid doing things that would make me sad. I thought at first, was it some kind of joke. But he wasn’t joking. He handed me a pen and paper. Said, I better start writing.

One Last Glance

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world…

Changing Seasons…

There will always be people,
Who will turn out in ways you never expected,
And it dawns on you that you have to let them go,
So that they can fulfill their destinies,
While you go on to fulfill your own life path.

As life likes to dish out surprises and challenges,
Sometimes it is only through letting go,
When your heart cries in anguish,
That in the agonizing process that you realize,
What is truly worth holding onto.

Letting go does not signify weakness,
As it might take more courage to let go than holding on,
Like the big, inflexible tree that snaps in the storm,
While tiny blades of grasses yield and live on,
Revealing the strength of letting go.