I’ve wanted this to happen & have rehearsed the lines over & over in my head. And here we are at arms reach, standing in the same line at the grocery store, giving each other a glimpse, a smile. Yet the words won’t come out!
I’ve wanted this to happen & have rehearsed the lines over & over in my head. And here we are at arms reach, standing in the same line at the grocery store, giving each other a glimpse, a smile. Yet the words won’t come out!
He claims he did me wrong. But I have yet to hear the words – I’m sorry. Guess, he never heard of the word humility?
I’m in the family room watching a Nicholas Sparks inspired movie. When I saw both Mom & Dad having coffee by the dining table: talking, laughing, getting along just fine. Not a hint of what was once a messy, all-out-war separation proceedings. Guess, this is what they weirdly call – happily divorced.
So what do you do for a living? He asked. And I was quick to throw the question back at my friends boyfriend. He answered, I’m a gay escort. Funny how my inner judgy self didn’t go on hyperdrive. And I didn’t make any judgement at all, even I could not beleive what was going on with myself at that very moment. I simply smiled and asked him – and how’s that working for you?
People can choose to bail out on you and move on, you know. And that’s far easier than staying, helping out and enduring the pain. A little bit of appreciation would be nice, at least every once in a while.
Should there always be a meaning, a reason, a purpose? Couldn’t I be happy, just because I am.
I could not believe that it would be one day close to a year, since I last made an entry. Wow, have I been that busy? Well, come to think of it – it was worst than that. It was more like hell on steroids! The years 2010 has brought so many changes in my life, and 2011 has been so kind and drama free [so far.] I was finally able to put nursing school behind me, and hello graduate school. What was I thinking? I don’t know, I wasn’t. The train of opportunity came, I accidentally took the wrong stop, hopped on the wrong line and that’s where I am now. Funny, I know.
But it all boils down to one question. Am I happy? You bet I am. It maybe crazy, but then again I’ve had it worst before. So it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, anyway. Right?
… I lied to you. When I should have known better that it’s not a good thing to do. When you asked me if we’re okay? I said yes. When what I really wanted to say was “the hell we’re not.” I thought that getting back with you would help me get rid of all the pain, the betrayal, and all the worries. But no, it didn’t.
So now, I am asking you a favor. I am asking that you leave, give me some space and let me be alone in my thoughts. I beg you not to say a word, cause I’m afraid that I would lose my courage to move on. Let me heal, allow me to grow in my own pain, to rediscover forgiveness and trust.
I wanted to be with you so bad, but I gotta do this!
Learn to accept people, without passing any judgment!
I remembered, as if it was just yesterday. I woke up one Sunday morning, sat down on the ground, leaning on the lighthouse wall. With the sun on my face, the wind blowing through my hair. I watched the birds dancing with the wind. Felt the sand in between my toes and the breeze, you can smell the ocean. And it is in that stillness, in that moment – that I felt the most happy, most serene and in touch with my inner myself.
